


Of Faith and Sin

by ZaiaFantasy



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-28
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-27 10:59:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 40,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10016780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZaiaFantasy/pseuds/ZaiaFantasy
Summary: AU from Who Are You (S4, Ep 16) - In Buffy's body Faith starts a chain reaction that turns the lives of both Watcher and Slayer upside down. Before the dust can settle a ghost from Giles' past comes to threaten him and those he loves. - Sequel "The Ties That Bind" to come shortly.





	1. Testing Faith

It was a typical night in Sunnydale, one of those nights where a girl just had to thank her lucky stars to be out and alive and strutting her stuff down Main Street. This is what Buffy Summers was doing right now. Her bright hazel eyes were taking in everything, looking at the world like it was new again. She looked like she was ready for anything, and she was. The only problem was that she wasn't Buffy Summers, she was Faith in disguise. And this disguise happened to be very good and Buffy sized. She spotted the building Giles' flat was in and decided to see if her Watcher was down for a little bit of training. If she could fool him, she could fool anyone.

She knocked on the door and he came to answer it quickly enough. He was wearing more relaxed clothing than normal and he had a glass of wine in his hand. His bright green eyes glowed with concern.

"Buffy? It's late. What's wrong?"

She put on her best Buffy voice before she replied, sick at the sweetness in her tone. "Nothing's wrong, Giles. I just wanted a little workout. Want to help?"

The older man looked at her, considering, she could see the questions churning in him. "Don't you have classes tomorrow?"

"I'm one girl in all the world. I need to stay in shape."

No Slayer who knew Giles could say they hadn't heard his speech. Sacred duty, blah blah blah, one girl in all the world blah blah blah. He pushed the door to the side and motioned for her to come in. This suited her just fine. When she sidestepped inside they brushed against each other and she felt him through his tee shirt. Of course he was muscled. He kept up with Buffy, didn't he? Maybe there was something else she could do to have a little fun. Faith looked sidelong at the Watcher and felt a sort of appreciation for him.

"I can wait if you want to get dressed. We'll go patrolling."

For his part, the staunchly British man was just delighted to be of use again. He wasn't sure how it stood for a while since Buffy was on her own in college and trying new things but he was happy to still be considered useful. Unemployment did not seem to suit the man very well. He nodded once and headed upstairs in his flat, changing quickly into something better suited for their purpose. In Giles world this meant something in a suit. He came back downstairs looking like he was heading to the library.

Faith almost laughed but turned to the door instead and they walked down the street toward the cemetery. It wasn't as awkward a silence as it could have been. The Slayer's wheels were turning, thinking of the time they had and how to use it wisely. It was only a matter of time before Buffy came to in her body and realized what was happening. Thankfully, she'd made herself a damn good outcast so there was added time before she could convince everyone of who she was. "Good old Scoobies." She thought to herself. "Keeping me out of the loop."

"Buffy, I was thinking of something." He started. "Perhaps I ought to return to England. You're strong enough to be on your own now and to be honest, this uselessness doesn't agree with me."

She blinked. She'd forgotten how honest the pair was with each other. It was cute, really. "Sure." She responded, sure that's what Buffy would say. "Whatever will make you happy."

Now the other blinked. He'd expected more of a fight and felt a silent pang when it didn't come. "Right then," He commented instead, "if you think it's a good idea, I'll look into it."

The cemetery was in sight and both of them were thankful to see it. Mortal danger meant no more talking. There was a stake nestled behind her in a holder. They passed through the tall wrought iron gates and into the quiet space. Both were on alert now and Faith was anxious to see how her new body performed. To her delight, Buffy's body responded to her desires as easily as the old, tensed and ready to kick some bad guy butt.

They walked slowly through the cemetery, with purpose. When she spotted a fresh grave, she paused. Sifting the soil through her hands, she confirmed for the Watcher. "It's fresh. Doesn't look like anybody's risen yet."

"Not every new grave has a vampire in it, Buffy." He deadpanned.

A hand shot out of the ground and she gave him a look. The newly risen vampire clawed his way out of the ground, intent on getting that first meal. Faith smiled. Game face on, she was charged as the vamp attempted to drive her down. He was sloppy and she sidestepped, letting him rush past her. He tried again, moving close to engage her directly. Jabbing at her with his left fist, she parried, and he brought his other fist back across her jaw. She felt her cheek explode in a spider web of pain but she stayed focused. Slipping the stake out from behind her shirt, she saw a flicker of recognition in the vampire's eyes.

"Hey! This isn't…"

She used his distraction to thrust the stake through his chest, piercing the heart before he could finish his thought. He turned into ash before her eyes and poofed into non-being. She turned to see Giles giving her his thinking look. "What was that all about?" She laughed, covering, hopping up on a flat sarcophagus and leaning back to stare up at the moon. Her Watcher watched and shrugged off his suspicions. He came close to her. "Let me look at your cheek. He hit you pretty hard."

Obediently she turned her cheek letting him look at the pristine skin there. It hurt, but she didn't bruise easily. Evidently, neither did Buffy. "I'm alright." She said, trying to look embarrassed. "I've had worse anyway."

He backed away and she turned her head again to face him. They were in a cemetery, surrounded by death and moonlight, and his eyes lingered just a moment longer than they could have. Using this as permission, she leaned forward and kissed the Watcher for as long as he let her. It wasn't long. After taking a moment to recognize the situation, Giles stepped back and stared at her, trying to find the words to speak. Finally, when he did manage it, the words came out harsher than he'd intended.

"Buffy, have you lost your mind?" he demanded, taking a step back from her. Faith feigned a look of shock, grinning inwardly.

"I'm sorry." She said softly. "I thought…I mean…I thought you wanted me to."

The older man paused, hearing the emotion in her voice. "Buffy, you're mistaken." He stated simply. "I could never allow us to cross such a boundary. And I'm surprised that you, of all people, would ever believe we should. After Angel…" he stopped immediately, wincing at his own mistake to bring the vampire up to his protégé. Faith caught the little slip and pretended to be hurt, turning away from the Watcher completely.

"Oh, Buffy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Faith spent the time with her back turned working up tears. Several of them slipped down her cheeks before she glanced back at him. "Don't you think I'm confused?" she burst out, hearing the very Buffy like reaction coming from her lips. "When Angel left I wanted to start over and move on. I thought things would get better and now I've made another mistake."

The Watcher's heart softened, looking at his Slayer. She was confused, certainly, but more than that she was vulnerable. He'd seen her this way before and wanted to be as gentle as possible with her feelings. Ever the staunch and sensible man, he touched her shoulder and sighed.

"Buffy, I realize you must be lonely these days with everything that's happened. Changes aren't ever easy."

She jerked away, looking at him as if his words wounded her. "I'm not a stupid child, Giles! I know what I'm saying!" She turned her big hazel eyes his way and showed plainly what she thought of his placating her. "Tell me you've never thought about it." She challenged, daring him to be honest or lie. They were eye to eye, with her sitting on the large above-ground tomb. He fought for the words to say but something inside of him couldn't dismiss her challenge outright.

He could easily admit he loved her. That was never a question. She was his Slayer, his student, and, in some ways, his hero. He cared for her like a daughter and would have given his life for hers at any given moment if the situation demanded. He thought about what she asked him seriously, considering the notion. Could he honestly say he'd never allowed his thoughts on her to be romantic, or, dare he say it, carnal? Well, yes, he could. But that was before he felt the sting of her lips on his. The possibilities of a Slayer, their bodies. It was certainly not in the Watcher's handbook and there had never been an instance of this kind of breach of decorum as far as he knew.

How could he be entertaining this idea? He shook his head, trying to shake the idea out of it, to somehow make this conversation unheard or unspoken. He was thinking about it now, for the first time since Jenny's death. Amazing how the rekindling of his heart could come at the suggestion of such a young girl, innocent and wise all at once. "Buffy, I…" he trailed off. How could he answer?

"No, I get it." She remarked back to him, bitterly. Faith thought to herself as her body responded to the supposed pain of his denial. "Lying may not be one of my talents, G, but you seem to be caught up easy enough. Guess I just have to create the right lie."

She slipped down from the stone surface and turned her back on him, moving to walk away. Her heart skipped a beat as she took a step, wondering if she'd played her hand to its last card but when she felt him grab her hand and pull her back, turning her around, she knew she'd won. When his lips descended on hers without words to accompany them, she let him have what he fought so hard to earn.

He kissed her with a greater passion than he thought he had. Once he let one drop go, the rest of the floodgate broke open over his repression and he devoured her. Faith was impressed in spite of herself and was hard pressed to keep up. He pushed her back, pressing her against the wall of a nearby mausoleum and pressing as close to her as he could. His body responded eagerly; he wanted this, her yielding beneath him. His mind on the other hand, finally switched back on and he came back to his senses, pulling away from her to a separation that was almost physically painful. He was panting, inner turmoil raging against his mind. Faith watched with no small sense of satisfaction.

"Giles?" she asked softly, taking a step toward him.

"Buffy, please don't!" he pleaded, reaching a hand out to keep her back. "Dear Lord, don't!"

"Giles…" she trailed off. "Did I do something wrong?"

He looked at her sternly, then a look of anguish broke over his features. "I'm sorry, Buffy. I've failed you here tonight. Forgive me."

That was her cue to exit. Faith turned on her heals and ran away, acting entirely the part of the hurt little girl until she got out of visual range. He didn't even call after her. Part one was accomplished. Even if they figured it out now, it was too late to prevent things from changing between them. The line was crossed, the thoughts couldn't be unthought.

"I could get used to this." She thought to herself, walking out of the graveyard toward her next opportunity.


	2. Losing the Faith

"You did what?" Buffy demanded hotly, looking at the man who'd spoken with contempt and a sense of betrayal. "How could you do that?"

Giles was at a loss to respond. She had every right to be angry at him, at everyone. He had her alone right now, in his flat, and had just confessed to what had passed between him and Faith only nights before. Of course, Faith was in Buffy's body at the time when they'd kissed. In the moment he'd thought it had been a spiritual experience, though clearly now he'd been wrong and was somewhat relieved to learn it wasn't Buffy herself. However, he couldn't deny that since that night he thought of his protégé in a new way, albeit unwanted.

"Buffy, I've explained it to you as clearly as I can. When Faith was in your body we kissed. I thought it was you…I thought…"

He trailed off, not sure exactly what he'd thought. "Stupid old man!" he chastised himself silently. "How could you believe she'd care about you in such a way?"

She backed up one step away from him and then another, feeling in her heart that it was entirely too much to take. Two of the people in this world that should have known her best couldn't figure out that she was only Faith in disguise. Now that she had her body back and all of these things were coming to light, she didn't know what to believe. When he took a step toward her, heart hurting at the sight of the pain he'd caused her, she stepped away.

"Don't you dare." She growled. "How can you even think about touching me when you don't know enough of me to tell when some cheap imitation is walking around in my body?"

He'd broken her trust before, in a large way, and he saw now just how close to the surface the scar was. She looked at him, and he saw the difference in her eyes when they filled with tears. Those eyes, Buffy's eyes, filled with pain and betrayal. He felt heartsick.

"I don't expect you to forgive me, Buffy, but I had to be honest. I can't ever take it back but I wish to God I could. My place is as your Watcher and nothing more. I'll be that for as long as you want me to be."

Her mind raced, trying to process the small words he'd said with some degree of efficiency. They kissed. She and him. Well, Faith and him. Or her and him. How did it work out? He thought it was her. It looked like her. Spoke like her. Maybe in a small way it was. No one knew who she was, it was like not existing.

"Do you know what hurts?" she asked, backing up further toward the door. "That you, the one who's helped me, knew me from the beginning of my time in Sunnydale, didn't see past how I looked. How can you say you love me?"

"I didn't, as such, say I loved you, Buffy. Not romantically, anyway."

She turned, pulling the door open and stepping through it before he could say another word. He didn't have the heart to stop her. Instead, he walked across his living room and pulled a bottle of scotch from a cabinet and pouring himself a healthy swig in a glass. Gulping it down, he felt it as it seared his throat like a penance, or perhaps another pain to focus on. When that burning subsided, he took another swig to renew the burn. He put the glass down and leaned against the wall behind him, closing his eyes and waiting for the aged scotch to do its job. Better this way…

Buffy ran across town, barely noticing the faces of the people as they passed by. She ran until her lungs burned and her eyes watered and she couldn't go another step and she was quite unaware of where she was. She was in the woods behind the Sunnydale Park, out in the middle of no where. Alone. Leaning against a tree she tried to catch her breath, but it wouldn't be caught so easily. Long moments passed with deep gulping breaths. She felt shaky.

Giles, kissing her, wanting her, being convinced by that bitch in her skin. She felt punched in the stomach.

"Surprise, pet." Spike emerged from behind a tree, some distance off, and started sauntering over to her. He was the last person she wanted to deal with right now. Chip or not, he was still evil.

"Not now, Spike. If you have any sense of decency, not right now, ok?"

"Lucky for me, I don't have a sense of decency." He continued his walk over to her. "What's gotten into your knickers?"

She breathed out a shuddering breath and Spike realized how emotional she was. He delighted in her misery but had sense enough not to show it. "Right then, that bad, eh?" He leaned against the tree next to her and stared up at the moon through the trees. Beautiful night tonight. She looked over at him disgustedly. "You…you didn't know it was me, either, did you?" she asked.

Spike grinned. "Rather hoped it was, Slayer. You made some bloody vivid suggestions." He trailed a finger down her cheek and then down her covered arm.

"Oh, God…" she felt like she might be sick.

"You never thought about it? Missing out on Angel and you never wanted another beasty in you, making your scream? Imagine what our bodies could do to each other."

She made another sound of disgust. "I can think of plenty of things I'd like to do to you and most of them do involve wood." She slipped the stake she carried from its hiding place and held it up. "I'm game if you are."

He backed up, hands raised, and then cocked an eyebrow. "So, not tonight, then?" he asked softly. "It's only a matter of time till you give into me, love."

"I'm not your love. The idea of being with you like that makes me ill. I love Riley."

"Even though he got all familiar with Faith's naughty bits? Well, with her at the wheel driving yours anyway."

"Shut up."

"You don't love him, you know. You don't see him."

"I'm not having this conversation with you, Spike. We're not friends, remember? The only reason I haven't killed you is because you're a neutered puppy now."

The vampire saw red. It was one thing to point out their current status of communication but it was another thing entirely to kick him when he was down about his little "problem." He rushed her, pinning her to a tree and feeling her heart race. Putting on his game face, he heard the quickened pulse of blood in her veins and felt her hot body just beneath his. "Puppy dog, am I?" He snapped his teeth just beside her neck. "Then why are you so scared?"

She turned her head, looking him dead in the eyes, bringing her lips to linger just in front of his, so close he felt her breath tickle his skin. Another half an inch and they'd be kissing. For a split second he considered the idea that she might kiss him and tensed. That was before she finally responded. "Don't mistake fear for revulsion." She warned and then pulled her lips away.

He felt like an ass again as she ducked smoothly under his arm, which was braced against the tree. "Don't turn your back on me Slayer." He growled in a way only he could manage. He charged her from behind and the moment their bodies collided he felt the searing pain of the chip go off in his brain. It felt like his skull had been doused in liquor and set on fire and he cried out, clutching his head. She stopped, watching him. "What did I tell you, Spike?" she asked softly, leaning down so he could hear even through his own pain. "Puppy dog."

"Maybe no one recognized you, Buffy, cause you're not as high and mighty as you think you are." He spat out, trying to hit her closest to where she lived. "Maybe everyone wanted you to be different. I know I bleeding well did."

He scrambled to his feet, still holding his head with one hand and pointing at her with the other. "Faith may not have your high horse, but she does know how to have fun and guess what? No one noticed. While you were promising to ride me like a pony…"

She cringed as he spoke, pressing her hands to her ears, trying to block out the sound of it. "Stop it!" she cried out at him, but he didn't.

"Telling me how you could use muscles no man ever dreamed of before and how much you'd enjoy it all. You wonder why no one recognized Faith? Because we all like who she is when she's wearing your sodding skin. You can't tell me soldier boy didn't have the night of his life with someone else calling the shots. Wonder who else had themselves a time with the little hellion driving?"

She threw a punch at him from left field, hitting him squarely in the jaw with all the might of a pissed off Slayer. He staggered and fell back, blood trickling from the corner of his mouth. She dropped down on top of him and pressed the stake to his chest, glaring daggers. "Do it." He challenged, platinum hair reflecting the moonlight. "Put me out of my puppy misery."

He grabbed her forearms and yanked her down closer, driving the stake to bite into his skin, blood oozing from the wound. "Put on your big girl panties and kill me if you have the guts." She hesitated, exhausted and shaken. She couldn't kill him. Like it or not he was telling the truth, even if it was only to be cruel. "No?" he asked, his fingers biting into her arms until she whimpered and his head exploded in intense pain again. He used the last of his strength to throw her off of him before giving into the pain.

"Run along home, Slayer. You're too much saint for the rest of us."

For once, she obeyed, jogging away from him until she was back on the street again and walking toward the college campus. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she couldn't hold them back anymore. She cried silently all the while she ran, feeling defeated and unimportant. Rushing into her room, she was thankful to not see Willow and threw herself onto her bed. She cried into her pillow, wallowing in the misery of knowledge and guilt.

The door closed. "Oh, Buffy!" Willow's voice registered after a moment and she looked up at the redhead, her best friend. "What's the matter?"

"Willow, how do I know who I am anymore? Someone else walked around as me and no one noticed or cared. Riley thought it was just as well. And Giles..." she stopped.

"What about Giles, Buffy?"

Willow put her hand on her friend's back, stroking it in what she hoped was a reassuring way. Everyone felt a little guilt these days about what had happened. No one was immune. Buffy ignored the question, wiping away her tears and proceeded onto Spike, doling out in detail what he'd said. Willow gasped, squeezing her shoulder a little tighter, before speaking.

"He doesn't know what he's talking about, Buffy. No one wants you to be Faith. If we did, we'd have left you in her body."

Buffy held onto Willow a long time, thinking and fearing more than anything. She was hurt and angry and wanted someone to blame. That someone was Faith, long gone. "Willow, what am I gonna do?" she asked, not expecting a real answer. Sure enough, she didn't get one but another squeeze. "Talk to Riley, Buffy. See what he has to say."

"That's not..." she stopped herself. It was a reasonable suggestion and if she continued her course of thought she'd have to tell Willow about what Giles told her and she'd just as soon not have to jump that hurdle. "That's a great idea, Will. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow."

"Want me to patrol with you? I can take care of the apprehension and crosses."

"Thanks, but I think I'm gonna go to bed. I'm kind of tired." The redhead didn't disagree and settled into the bed herself. Once she started breathing evenly, Buffy stared into the darkness at her with envy. She kept thinking about Giles and the feelings that whipped through her when he confessed what had happened. She was shocked, still, and hurt. She felt betrayed by his feelings for her and yet he didn't confess to love her in a romantic way. Angry, she decided that if she couldn't sleep, neither would he.

She dressed in the dark, quietly leaving Willow in her bed, slumbering in that peaceful way she envied. She crossed campus and headed downtown to Giles' flat, close to the town cemetery. She bounded up the Spanish tiled stairs and knocked on his door, knowing it was late and not really caring. Giles opened it, blinked in surprise, and opened the door wider, to allow her inside. She did without much preamble and seated herself on the single chair he owned. He, however, took his place on the couch.

"Tell me." she demanded simply.

"Buffy, is this really necessary?" he asked softly, not wanting to relive his mistake.

"I have to know why you did it. I have to know what she said, how she could be me."

"She'll never be you, Buffy. There's nothing to prove."

"But there is!" Her eyes blazed with anger. "You kissed me, Giles. You kissed me! How am I supposed to deal with that when I don't even know why you did it?"

"I suppose, Buffy, because I had a moment of weakness in my career as Watcher and celibate."

"How could you think that of me? How could you even..." she trailed off, looking mildly horrified.

"Buffy, let me make something plain." he began, "I'm human. I make mistakes. We've been through enough that you should know this. When I kissed you, I honestly thought it was something you wanted. I could have never told you but I chose to have faith in your maturity."

She threw herself back in the chair, sulking, not understanding the things he was refusing to explain in the way she wanted it to be explained. There was never going to be an adequate way to tell her why he felt she wanted it or what possessed him.

"Show me." she said at last, trusting no other way.

"Ah, erm - Buffy? Have you lost your senses completely? You're mad at me for kissing you and now you're demanding I do just that?"

She shrugged. "I have to know what you did while she was me. I keep thinking about it. You're my Watcher. Isn't there some sort of law against this?"

"Not as such, but I don't know of any instances where this has happened before."

"Show me." she asked, more simply this time, worn out and tired of doubting herself.

What else could he do? Her Watcher rose and crossed the room. He picked her up by her shoulders and led her to the nearest wall. Pressing her against it in a reasonable replay of the original action, he leaned down and kissed her with the same unbridled ferocity. He didn't ask permission for anything, figuring she asked for this. He laced his hands in hers, sliding them up the cool painted surface of the wall to rest over her head. He pinned them there and kissed her with every ounce of his original desire and skill.

Holy Hell, where did this come from? Once things began they escalated quickly and she couldn't believe how it felt or how she responded. Free from expectation, she gave into the feelings for just a little while, wrapping one leg around her Watcher's waist. The solid wall behind her back and his very warm body in front of her, she felt confined and wanting. Then, all at once, he pushed away from her and she made a small sound of protest. She was panting, as he was, and she felt flushed.

"That was..." she didn't know how to finish.

"Different." he commented, filling in her blank. She frowned.

"Different?"

The older man smiled. "Oh, very much so. Faith was ever so slightly more..." he searched for a word to put it delicately. "skilled?"

Her eyes widened, filling with anger. "Are you saying she's a better kisser than I am?"

"Of course not, Buffy." he replied evenly. "She just seemed to appreciate it more."

Oh, he was no fool. He knew how the words he used were affecting his protégé and he didn't care right now. Once again he'd tasted her lips and didn't much try to deny how he enjoyed it. What man his age, in his position, wouldn't love a young woman ripe for seduction, especially one as magnificent as her? She glowered at him, a red blush seeping across her cheeks. Before the man knew it, she was pressed against him again, worked up and kissing him. She guided his hands under her pert ass and gave a small jump, wrapping her legs around his waist and holding herself there. He stumbled backwards and hit the wall, the jolt of pain counterpointing the sweet feeling of his lips on hers.

She kissed him deeply, eager to outdo Faith, wash the girl from her Watcher's mind and finally to feel like she existed. She moaned softly, caught up in what they were doing, letting her tongue slip past his lips to tease against his. He responded just as sincerely, moving his tongue over hers and tasting the glorious flavor or her mouth. His body responded and he groaned as she moved her hips against his.

"Buffy!" he panted out, breaking contact. "You don't need to prove anything, as I've said before."

She slipped to the ground and looked at him. He was vulnerable and needing, his eyes open and honest in his passion for her. Somewhere along the line their relationship had changed and maybe they'd just never wanted to say it out loud. She panted, sighing, feeling the proof of her response in the scorching hot expanse between her legs. She panted, trying to catch her breath. She felt even more confused now, knowing that it wasn't about Faith but about her. She'd asked for it. She responded to it. She felt the call between them as easily as instinct led her to fight and stay alive.

She backed away from him again. "I have to go." She was afraid of herself now. She was afraid of the reaction she'd had to kissing him and the conflicting ideas inside of her. She pulled open the door and walked through it.

"Buffy!" he called after her but she gave him only a sad smile before shutting the door behind her.

She walked down the stairs to the ground. His flat was on the first floor of the building and she looked up through the windows in his living room to see the man leaning against the wall she left him on with his eyes closed. She made her way into the courtyard and then she turned to head to the street.

"Have fun?"

She paused and turned, surprised out of her own thoughts by the voice. Riley stepped from the shadows, dressed in full patrolling gear. There was a gun in his hand and a sour expression on his face. Her heart sank.

"Riley, I..."

"I saw you, Buffy! How could you?"

She was caught and there wasn't anything she could do about it. "Why are you following me?" she demanded instead, trying to find fault with him to cover her own actions.

"I wasn't. He's your Watcher and you care about him so we do sweeps here every couple of hours to make sure the area's secure. Now, it's easy to see you care about him a little too much."

"Riley, I..."

He raised his hand, cutting off her remark. "Save it, Buffy. You have no idea at all how long I've loved you. I put up with you not loving me because I thought that being on the outskirts of your life was better than not being in it at all but to push me away for him?"

Tears welled up in her eyes again and she wondered if she'd ever be done with crying. "Riley, it was a mistake." she pleaded. "It was only a mistake."

If he was affected by her tears, he didn't show it. "The first time, maybe, but he's got some large windows and I've been here a while."

"I didn't - " she continued and was cut off again by Agent Finn.

"Stop it. You don't need to lie to me anymore. I've loved you for so long knowing you didn't love me. Even when we were making love I saw someone else in your eyes and it wasn't me. I just never knew who. I thought maybe it was Hostile 17." He corrected himself. "Spike."

"Spike?" she would have laughed if she weren't so numb. "Riley, I could never love Spike. He's an evil thing, not even a person."

"Maybe so, Buffy, but it's not me you're looking at when you say you love me."

She took a step toward him, wanting desperately to make him understand. She reached out to him and saw him flinch. She stopped.

"Riley, please."

He sighed and shook his head. "Buffy, I just can't do this with you anymore. This is it. I can't compete with every single man in your life. I won't do it. It's clear you don't know what you want."

She let him walk away, without saying a word to follow, numb inside. She sank to the stone bench next to the complex fountain, listening to the sounds behind her without actually registering them. She openly sobbed there, not caring who saw or heard. It was too much, too fast, and her without a defense. If she had a bad guy to face, the strategy was clear. Kick it's ass until it died or surrendered. When it came to her heart, she was no more strategic than a rat in a maze.

She didn't know how long she'd sat in front of the fountain or if Riley's guys swept through there at all after he left. She doubted it, but then, Riley wasn't a vindictive guy. His words echoed in her mind, each one of them true, and not. She knew she still loved Angel and she always would. She was his without a doubt and still she thought of Giles and how his kiss burned her. She needed someone to talk to, someone she knew she could say everything to without worrying about the reaction.

It didn't take her long to make her way out of the city to the local prison. She waited in the cold, sterile waiting room until someone called her name, a little man with a toupee and badly grown facial hair. He led her down a hallway to a tiny room, separated by a pane of bulletproof glass. Holes were poked in it to allow them to speak. Faith was there, waiting, sitting in a little metal chair. When the door opened, she looked up. Buffy saw the recognition and triumph in her eyes as she entered. Neither spoke until they were alone.

"Christ, B! I've heard of forgiving and forgetting but you must be a saint."

Buffy cringed. That was the second time that word had been used to describe her and she wasn't liking it. "I didn't come here because I forgive you." She growled softly. Faith laughed.

"Then why the hell are you here? To throw down?" She stood, gesturing to the glass between them. "Not much you can do to me anymore, B."

"You did it." She accused softly, trying to stay calm and ignoring the other girl's outburst.

"Did what?" she asked, challenging her to make the list.

"You ruined everything." The other replied, placing the blame where it belonged. The brown haired girl shook her head and paced off to the left.

"Oh, no, B. You were ruining your life before I got to it. I just decided to spend a little time in the hand basket while it was going to hell."

"Spike?"

"Jesus, B, never saw you shy away from a little creature feature. Besides, I didn't bone him. I know you're too holy for that or whatever. I just wanted to see his eyes pop a little. You should have seen his face when I walked away."

She made a sound, something akin to revulsion. "Riley?" she responded, hitting her with each of her sins.

"How could I not, Buffy? That guy was seriously repressed. You should have seen the way he moved once he knew there was another girl riding his pony."

"He didn't know it was you!" she threw back at the other girl.

"Maybe not, but he knew something had changed. He was a wild man in the sack!" The other smiled, and Buffy could assume she was remembering. "You can pick em' B."

"He was…different with you?" She didn't want to know but she found herself asking anyway.

"He started off like he is with you, I guess, until I showed him I can have a little fun. You could see it click in his mind, that spark, and he tore into me. Well, into you." She paused and turned to face the blond. "That guy has some serious need issues. What have you been giving him, B?"

"Everything…" she admitted, sadly, remembering the hurt look in his eyes the night before.

"Oh, no! Men who are getting everything don't take as much as he did from me. It was like a dog being given a T-bone when it's used to Doggy Chow."

"What about Giles? Why did you have to do that to Giles?" She slid into her own metal chair. Faith watched her, not entirely unobservant. Too many people expected less of her because of how she acted, but she was cleverer than most people expected. Right now, she watched the Slayer and knew this was the heart of the matter.

"You did it again, didn't you?" she asked in wonder.

"No! You did it, I never have…"

"Don't fuckin lie to me, B!" the other stared her down through the glass. "That man, he's unlike anything I've ever seen before. I just made the suggestion but he was the one that fueled the fire." She paused. "And you know that firsthand now, don't you?"

"No…" the other whimpered, feeling small. Faith laughed, seeing the truth even if it wasn't spoken.

"Oh, this is perfect! I couldn't have planned this!" she laughed again, sliding into her chair to keep from falling. "You have the warm fuzzies for Giles, B!"

"No!" Buffy looked up once, sharply, and Faith fell silent.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know." She admitted. "It's wrong…for so many reasons."

"And bumping uglies with a vamp isn't?"

"Angel was different. He was…"

"He was a serial killer with a century long rap sheet?" the other interrupted.

"He wasn't! He's good. He's doing good!"

"Until you came along. Then he went all psycho on the population and killed Giles' sweetheart. What was her name?"

"Jenny…uh, Mrs. Calendar."

"Riiigght. Her. So I guess that means you're responsible for her death."

It was an old wound and the blond didn't want to deal with it again. "No! I didn't mean to, I didn't know…we brought Angel back!"

"Yeah, until you sent him to hell."

She felt the tears start again and she blinked hard to force them back. "I didn't…"

"Oh, you have to face it, sweetheart. Every man you're with ends up worse for it."

It was the heart of the matter: why she never let herself love Riley, why she was so desperately afraid of herself with Giles. "No, it's not me." She let out softly, to deaf ears. 

The brunette cocked an eyebrow. "Then who is it? Girlfriend, trouble holds onto us like a plague."

The blond Slayer had no answer to give. Whether Faith was right or whether she was wrong, it didn't matter. Buffy believed it and that's what mattered. "You're wrong." She spat out at the brunette, rising from her chair.

"If I'm wrong, what are you so afraid of?"

Buffy left her there, walking back down the sterile hallway, without an answer.


	3. Sins of the Flesh

"She's a zombie, Giles, we have to do something!"

Xander Harris made himself at home in the Watcher's house, flopping onto the couch with an outward 'whoosh' of breath. Willow followed after him. She didn't say anything but looked no less worried than her best friend. Giles didn't have to ask who they meant. His Slayer seemed to be absent from most people's sight these days. He pushed his glasses up and rubbed his temples gently.

"I don't suppose anyone's heard from Riley."

Willow shook her head. "I see him in class but he never looks at Buffy and she never looks at him."

"Oh dear." He had no idea anything was this serious. Since their mistake, as he'd come to call it, he chose to give her a wide berth, letting her come to him.

"And," Willow burst out, excited, "She got an A on her last quiz."

Both men looked at the redhead and she frowned. It was true that the blond wasn't famous for her academic achievements but a single A wasn't typically cause for alarm.

"Willow, she could just be devoting herself to her studies."

That got him a look in return from the two other people who knew Buffy best of all. "Right." He amended. "Zombie…what shall we do?"

The other two shrugged, at a loss for ideas. Xander sat up, "I'll talk to her."

The other two acted in unison, moving forward as they both cried out "No!" Willow looked embarrassed. She glanced down and continued. "It's not that we don't think you can't do it, Xander, it's just that you're not the best person with girls."

"And you are?" Xander deadpanned. The redhead thought of Tara and blushed.

"I don't think it ought to be me." Giles said at last. "I'm, ah, probably too much of an adult to get her to open up."

A quizzical expression crossed Willow's face but she didn't respond. "I've tried talking to her but she's never in the room and when she is she is I can't get two words out of her."

It took the redhead two minutes to get an idea. "Oh, oh! I know! I'll cast a spell on her."

"Willow!" the Watcher's tone was sharp, reprimanding. "Perhaps your control on spells isn't as strong as it could be for something like this." His tone was softer for the end of his speech. She looked hurt and then defiant.

"I've been practicing. I'm not levitating pencils anymore, Giles. I'm better now! I can do this."

"What is it you plan on doing, exactly, Willow?"

She paused, considering the options. "What if I took away whatever fear is keeping her from talking to us. She'd be No Fear Buffy!"

The older man shook his head. "That's potentially very dangerous."

She thought about it and agreed. "What about a spell to make her act on what she's thinking? Work out her problems by acting on them?"

"Willow…."

She bit her lower lip and considered some more. This was harder than she thought. "What if we get her to talk to Riley? That can't hurt, can it?"

The Watcher thought about it and nodded. "Restore the natural order of things." He thought to himself. "A little push, Willow." He warned softly.

Her bright green eyes widened and she nodded. "Of course. Nothing big. Just a little spell."

The course of action decided, the two young adults left his home and Rupert Giles poured himself a Scotch. "Goodbye, Buffy." He whispered by way of a toast and downed the amber liquid.

Tara walked with Willow into her dorm room on the other side of campus. It wasn't a big campus by any means, but the girls thought it was better not be near Buffy when they were doing a spell for her. Tara opened the door, shyly allowing Willow into the room first. "I don't th…think my roommate will be back for a wh…while."

The redhead smiled. "Perfect. I'll set up."

Willow spread the red ribbon around them in a circle, setting fat candles on trays on top of the ribbon at the 4 points of the compass. Tara sat, cross legged, waiting. "What's this sup…posed to be for again?" she asked quietly, stuttering ever so slightly.

"We want Buffy to confront her issues with Rilely. A little push, that's all."

The other girl nodded, grateful for the time she got to be around Willow, no matter the reason. The redhead lit the candles and took her place, sitting. It was a relatively simple spell, all things considered. She ticked off the ingredients. "Rose thorn essence. Raven's feather. Orb of Faliyah." Each ingredient was there and she looked at Tara. "Ready?"

The other girl nodded, holding up her hands to receive the other girl's. Once they joined hands they chanted what had been practiced. "Ka unum, tish va, som ranu." Nothing happened at first but slowly, a light built up between them, shining like a light bulb from the orb. Willow reached down and crossed the orb with the feather. "Blackest shadow, be gone from the heart." She opened the bottle and sprinkled a little of the liquid inside over the feather and orb. "Essence of strife in beauty, let them speak. Let them be." The light shined brighter, glowing. Tara cracked open an eye to look at it. "Willow, it's too bright."

The redhead could only agree. It was too bright but she didn't know what to do. "We have to finish." She said softly. "Just chant one more time!"

They joined hands again, chanting in a language unfamiliar to them. "Ka unum, tish va, som ranu."

The light went out instantly, leaving them both in darkness after so much brightness. The candles seemed to start producing light again as their eyes adjusted to the dimness around them. "Did it work?" Tara asked, wondering if there would be a sign that indicated if they were successful. Nothing made itself known. "I guess we'll find out." Willow shrugged. "If Buffy goes to find Riley."

Buffy was seized by the idea to find her boyfriend. In class when she saw him come in she knew she didn't want to lose him. Once class was over, she rushed over to him, barely catching him before he exited the room. He looked uncomfortable being caught here with so many people going past but when she looked at him, he let her speak.

"Riley, please." she pleaded softly, trying not to let anyone hear her. "Please let me try to explain."

"There's nothing to explain, Buffy. It was all pretty clear to me."

"But I love you, Riley. Please let me make it up to you."

He sighed, softening when he heard her pleading him to give her another chance. She looked so sincere that he relented and replied in a gruff voice. "Fine, what did you have in mind?"

She scribbled down an address and handed it to him. "Come here tonight. I promise, I'll make it worth it to you."

He looked at the scrap of paper dubiously and then shoved it in his pocket. "I'll be busy until ten. I'll head over after."

He left before she could reply.

When ten o'clock approached, it was all she could do to remain calm. Everything was planned meticulously. She wore a tight black corset beneath her jacket with black stockings and high heels. Candles were lit all around the room. It was an abandoned building in the middle of no where, large and insular. She heard someone approach and went to the door, waiting for Riley to come inside. When he did, she slipped her black gloved hands over his eyes and turned him away from the setup she had.

"Buffy, what's going on?" he asked, bewildered, but no response came. She slipped a cloth over his eyes, whispering to trust her as she tied it in place. Once done, she led him into the room, both hands on his. Agent Finn was nervous. "Buffy, I don't know what you have planned..."

She pushed him into a chair and let him wonder, moving to tie his legs to it and then his arms. This did nothing to ease the boy's concern. He struggled but he was tied at the elbows, wrists, knees and ankles. When she saw that he couldn't move, she took the gun from his hands and began laying all his weapons to the side. He cleared his throat. "Buffy?"

She slipped the blindfold from his eyes and let him drink in the sight of the room fist, staying behind him. He saw the candles all around, the makeshift bed of pillows in the corner and one more thing that made him gulp: a wooden cross pinned to the wall with manacles hanging from the T and at the foot of the thing. That was when she came into view, black coat hiding most of her outfit. She let him see her for a moment before turning around and putting her back to him. Button by button she opened the coat, easing it down her shoulders slowly so he could see each inch as it was revealed. He gulped again.

"Buffy...I..."

She let the coat drop from her body and he saw her in all her glory from the back. It was a picture of sin, something he wanted to drown in. Something in the back of his mind nagged at him but she turned around ever so slowly revealing the front of her lingerie masterpiece. There he lost the words and the will to fight. Riley Finn was strong; the Slayer would always be stronger. She let him look, and he did, savoring the delicate curves of her body dressed in black silk and mesh. She took a step forward. Then another. After a moment she knelt at his feet. Her hands felt along the fabric of his tactical pants. She slid them up the inseam, bringing them slowly up to here they meet in the middle before she pushed his thighs apart. He groaned. She smiled.

"We're going to play a game, Riley." she teased. "It'll be a fun game, I promise."

"Buffy, what are you doing?"

She purred, coming up and putting her lips to his ear. "Don't worry, it's me. Tonight I'm all yours, Riley, everything.

She slid into his lap and took his face into her hands. Bringing her head down, she kissed him. Wasting no time she deepened the kiss until her body ached with need and desire. He was panting himself, body responding to her heat and passion. She was like a wild woman, someone he'd never seen before. He gave himself up, struggling to be a more active participant in the game but he was bound tightly in place and she didn't let him forget that. She looked down at him, eyes half lidded with carnal desire.

"Not so easy for you..." she teased. One of her hands slipped down to untie his hand. She brought it up and over her body to behind her head. He watched her, breathless, as she put his hand next to her ponytail. Closing his fingers around it a flicker of understanding reached his eyes and he jerked her ponytail back, hard, inciting a yelp of pain from her lips that dissolved into a moan of pleasure. He never knew her to like pain before but he found himself drawn into the idea and gave another experimental tug. He received the same response. Her blue eyes bore into his when she saw he understood.

"Let me go, Buffy." he commanded, darkly, wanting to explore this new side of her. She raised an eyebrow at him and did as he asked. Once she did he kissed her, roughly, bringing her close to him and gripping her body painfully. Her brought her to the cross, across the room, and chained her arms in place. They were thick manacles...too thick for even a Slayer. She stood there, arms spread and body exposed. He reached up and tugged the back of the corset apart, ripping it. Part of him wondered how he could take pleasure in being so cruel to the woman he loved while another part of him was reminding him again how much she deserved this.

"Don't scream." he commanded, picking up a convenient whip on a nearby table. Her heart raced and she bit her lower lip, bracing herself for whatever came. When the whip descended the first time it was a crude effort, barely snapping across her back. She jumped as a heat pulsed through her with a little pain attached. She wriggled but stayed quiet. The second try was immensely more successful than the first. The whip cracked across her white skin, marking it with a red line of his conquest. Pain ripped into her like a virus, starting from her back to move all along her body. Blinking back tears, she didn't scream.

He let the whip snap again, liking the way it painted a brilliant red line over her pale flesh. He liked seeing her suffer and more than that he liked that she obeyed him. He tried another strike before moving forward. Her yanked her ponytail back, enjoying the look of surprise in her eyes as he felt between her legs with the other hand. It was dripping, slick and waiting. He released her, undoing his pants and pushing her panties to the side. Gripping her hips roughly, he pulled her up and pushed himself inside, thrusting a few times just to get a reaction. She cried out. He became a madman, thrusting away his anger at her in violent strokes.

The longer he used her, the guiltier he felt. The longer she let him use her, the more distant she became until he felt no better than fucking a sex doll. With a cry of disgust, more at himself than her, he let her hips drop and reached up to undo her chains. She turned around to make a sound of protest but he could see in her eyes that she was just going through the motions. Even now, when he'd thought he saw a new side of her, he was angry to see he'd been wrong. And it wasn't so much the pain that excited him, it was that she was trying to let him get close to her. Or so he thought.

He paced across the room, unsure of what to say to her or how to express how upset he was. She didn't say anything either.

"Damnit, Buffy, what's this all about?" he demanded. "Why did you let me hurt you like that?"

"Isn't this what you wanted, Riley? All of me?"

"You think this is what I had in mind? Is letting me give you more pain really your idea of everything?"

"I thought I was giving you all of me before! I don't know what you want!"

He swore again, softly this time. "Is that what this is about?"

"Riley, I love you!" she cried out at a loss for anything else.

He sighed, crossing the room and sitting in the chair again. Illuminated by candle light he could have been one of the old world Roman Gods, wandering as a man. He looked much worn out from all of this turmoil. He never doubted she loved him as much as she could. The problem was, and would always be, that all of the love she could give wasn't enough for him. Inside those blue eyes he always found someone else. Loving her wasn't enough anymore. He wanted to be that someone with her, make a life with her, and he knew that would never happen now.

"You're worried about what Faith and I did, right?" She came up close to him and nodded but didn't touch him. He looked at her sadly. "I can't help you with that, Buffy. I knew it wasn't you, somewhere. Maybe not consciously but I knew. I didn't care." He sighed. "It was the only way I'd have all of you. Even if it was an imitation, I had all of you that night. No matter what you do, Buffy, I'm not him. Whoever he is you're holding onto your heart for, it's not me."

This time she was too numb even to cry. There was no way she could convince him that he was wrong and she felt him slip away, permanently, from her grasp. "Riley…"

He rose, fixing his clothing and gathering up his weapons. He paused, letting his eyes travel over her. She hadn't moved from her spot, transfixed in grief. He felt awful but in his heart he knew she had to let her find whatever it was she was looking for. "I'm in love with you, Buffy. Please, don't make this harder for me than it is. Just…let me fall out of love with you so I can move on. If you care about me at all, let me do this."

Then he was gone, just like that.

She stared at the door, hoping he would come back through it and say that everything he'd just said wasn't true. After long minutes with that wish unfulfilled, she sighed and turned back to the room. She dismantled the fantasy slowly, putting everything away. She blew out all but a handful of the candles. As the light dimmed she heard the door open and froze, hoping against hope.

"Slayer!"

The platinum haired man was not who she was expecting. The light was dim but he saw everything clearly. He saw the lash marks on her back, oozing blood. He saw the torn garment and the half burnt candles. Most clearly he smelled the blood and sex in the room. It's what drew him here. The blond girl turned, facing him, past caring why he was there.

"Someone get all good with your naughty bits, love?" he asked wickedly. In response, the blond burst into tears. Spike frowned, rushing forward and feeling an uncharacteristic need to protect her. He grabbed her arm, shaking her roughly once. "He do this to you? Tell me he hurt you and I swear I'll kill him!"

She jerked away. He meant it and the idea made her afraid. "Why, Spike? You want to hurt me. You want to kill me."

"Doesn't mean I'll let someone else soften up my meat for me!" He was trying to save face now. "I'm not a nancy boy that needs help to win a fight! Two Slayers, pet. I've already killed two."

Something felt horribly wrong. In fact, most everything felt horribly wrong. She wavered on her feet and the man in front of her reached out immediately to steady her on her feet. At his touch she blinked and turned her inner turmoil onto him.

"Why are you even here, Spike? Do you just follow me everywhere?"

"Oh, right, like everything's about you now!" He scoffed. "That's bloody brilliant, it is! I stumble upon your little love nest by accident and suddenly I'm stalking you! Well, bollocks to you, then!"

She looked at him hard drawing coldness into her eyes until they were like icicles in front of him. He almost shivered. "Why do you like to torture me so much?" she asked softly.

"Um, hello? Demon, remember?"

"Then kill me, Spike! Just take me and kill me! I'm right here, begging you to do it!"

The demon inside of him roared to life and he was unable to hide his desire. He reached out, throwing her down onto the pillows and descended after her, pinning her in place. He felt her beneath him again, this time yielding. She even turned her head and exposed the beautiful hollow of her throat to his wanting mouth.

He drank her in with his eyes, memorizing the delicate way the candle light reflected off of her milky skin and how the black silk of her outfit contrasted with her and fit her so well. The instincts of his mind mixed and he wanted to devour her with his lips, taking her body until it had only one thing left to give him – her life. He was entranced by her beauty and horribly teased by being this near her when she actually wanted him to be.

His eyes narrowed and he saw the throbbing of her veins, so close to the surface he imagined he could see the blood as it rushed through them. He snapped his teeth above her again and this time he found her only accepting, unafraid. For the first time he realized how vulnerable she was and all of the drive to kill her was gone. Not that he could have gone through with it, anyway, but he sighed and moved to her side to lay on the pillows himself. He trailed a hand down her gloved arm in an attempt at being tender.

"I can't kill you, Pet. It would take too much fun out of my life."

She sighed herself, the noise wavering. "You can't kill me because that chip in your head says you can't."

He felt kicked in the groin and was momentarily angry. "I'm trying to be nice here!" he protested. "and here you go sayin little nasties to me."

She rolled her eyes but he couldn't see the gesture. "Don't be nice to me, Spike. If you are I might think you're human. And if I think you're human, I might care about you. And if I care about you, I'd hate myself."

"Right, then."

He moved to get up and leave her there, drowning in her own misery. As he turned to leave, she grabbed his wrist, stopping him. "No!" she protested quietly.

"No?"

She looked at him, laying there all wide eyed and innocent. "Don't go." She pleaded.

"Boy you run hot and bloody cold." He protested, mostly to hide how much he wanted to and didn't really understand why. She didn't respond and he reclined back on the pillows. Unsure of how to behave he didn't touch her.

"Just stay with me a while." She asked.

"What should I do?"

"I don't know. Just don't leave me."

She wasn't afraid of losing Spike. She wasn't afraid of loving him. Other than loathing his very existence, she might even have liked him. Well, and he was trying to kill her. Actively trying. In some strange way it felt fitting that he was here in her darkest hour. She turned to him, needing one thing from him she couldn't get anywhere else.

"Tell me you hate me, Spike."

He jerked in surprise, face innocent.

"I hate you, Slayer. First chance I get I'm sinking my fangs into that tempting throat of yours."

The answer seemed to please her and she curled into the pillows, falling asleep after a little while. He stayed a long time, watching her sleep and didn't leave until the sunrise forced him to take shelter elsewhere. He was tempted to reach out and touch her but something inside stopped him.

When the blond girl awoke the candles had guttered into nothing and the sun was streaming though the windows of the old building. She woke up and felt no better than before.

Alone.


	4. The Confessional

"So, no more Riley?" Willow asked in uncertain tones. The blond shrugged.

"No more Riley. Oh, Willow! I'm so ashamed! I let him hurt me. I wanted...him to hurt me."

She unbuttoned her cute blouse and turned her back to the redhead. Along the skin were the thin red lines from the night before still on her back. With Buffy's rate of healing, that was hard to accomplish and her best friend found a new respect for what had happened and what the blond was telling her. Most of her didn't understand much about the confession.

"Buffy, why did you want him to hurt you?"

"I thought I deserved it."

"How could you deserve that?"

"Because he's right, Will. I don't know why. I wanted to love him. I even believed I did for a while but when he touched me. I was happy but I knew something was missing. The pain...there was something inside of me that was missing." She didn't want to cry, not anymore. "Is something wrong with me?" she asked the only woman she trusted as much as her mother.

The redhead's eyes widened and she hugged her friend, whispering fiercely, "No! God no, Buffy!"

While it was true that Buffy tended to be a masochist, it was usually in a more personal sense and much less physical than this. She felt the nagging voice of guilt in her. The redhead frowned and turned toward Buffy. "It may not be wrong with you, Buffy. It might have been me…"

At first the blond didn't understand. She looked to Willow as if she'd just spoken Greek before a tiny glimmer of understanding reached her mind. Her heart sank.

"Oh, Willow, please tell me you didn't."

The other raised her hands defensively. "Only a little push, Buffy. We all just wanted to see you happy again."

"We?"

"Oh, yeah…you see…" her friend paused. "Xander, Giles and me."

"How could you, Willow? This is my life!"

"I didn't know it would happen like that, I swear!"

"You didn't know I'd wig and spend the night with Spike?"

The other paused. "You spent the night with Spike? What? Buffy, I don't understand."

The blond paused. She hadn't intended to bring up Spike but the words slipped out in her anger. "He found me, after Riley left." She explained. "He said he could smell the blood. He didn't know it was me."

"But why did you sleep with him, Buffy?"

Her eyes widened. "Ok, ew. I can't even imagine that. Oh, I just don't want to. I didn't sleep with him, Will!"

"But you said."

"I don't know. I asked him to kill me. I wanted to be punished for all of this, for something! I just feel so guilty all of the time and I knew he was the one person…the one thing that truly hated me. He was safe, don't you see? And you know? He didn't even touch me. He was nice…"

The tears finally came again and the redhead was lost for some way to respond. There was something wrong with the whole thing but she couldn't say that and make her friend feel worse. Buffy collapsed into her arms, crying in her lap. The nagging voice of guilt grew stronger but there was nothing to be done to undo it. She brushed her fingers through her friend's hair and let her cry. After all, she deserved it. Inside her own heart was breaking to be the cause of something like this.

The blond eventually fell asleep and Willow chanced getting up. She covered Buffy with a blanket and snuck out of her dorm room. Half an hour later she was standing in front of a familiar wooden door. She knocked twice and waited for someone to answer. The Watcher opened the door a short while later and Willow burst in without an invite.

"I'm coming in!" she paused, once inside, "can I come in?"

Giles' green orbs glanced over the agitated witch. "Willow, do sit down and tell me what's happened."

She sat immediately and then jumped up again, pacing, unable to hold still.

"I did it to her, Giles. It's my fault. I can't fix this."

The thoroughly confused Watcher sat her down, looking stern. "What's this about?"

"The spell, Giles. Buffy… and Riley…"

The whole story tumbled from her lips before she could stop it. She felt guilty and heartsick by what had happened, causing her best friend such unhappiness. For his part, the Water said nothing. He simply gazed at the witch and considered the situation carefully. Seconds turned to minutes and more time passed before he finally ventured to speak.

"Perhaps this is for the best, Willow." At her look of confusion he clarified. "Buffy wasn't truly happy. She couldn't be if she wasn't in love with the lad. Neither was Riley, apparently. Perhaps it was time for this particular relationship of hers to end."

"But, Giles…"

"No, Willow, stop now. It's alright. While the spell didn't have the desired affect, that doesn't mean you did it wrong."

He felt familial toward this woman, too. It seemed Giles was not a very good Watcher. The goal of his job was to train the Slayer and test her courage and conviction. He was never allowed to get too close. Instead, he'd become infatuated with her and loved her friends as his own family. There was nothing he wouldn't do for these children in his care. And, after all, no one had ever challenged the job quite so much as Buffy did. She wore what she liked, followed her own methods, had friends, dated, and tried to be like normal girls. That effort alone made her more than normal girls. It made her extraordinary.

Still, he tried not to show his affection overly much. It was one thing to feel the swell of pride in his heart when Willow learned to cast a spell or when Xander managed not to get hurt in a fight. It was another thing entirely to be familiar with them on a physical level. " _Like I have with Buffy_." He thought darkly, though he didn't let the idea show on his face. "Willow, I can only counsel you to be careful with these magics. They are not something to be toyed with lightly. The repercussions of what you do can be profound as you've learned. I'm afraid you may not be able to control them."

She blinked at him. A warning? After all the guilt she felt? She shook her head. "I'm not a child, Giles! I can do this!"

"Lately I seem to be hearing that often from you lot. You're not children." Rather than anything else it could have sounded like, Willow thought maybe she detected regret…sadness?

"Giles?"

He blinked, looking her way. "It's nothing Willow. Pay it no mind." He looked older now and more tired than she usually saw him. Something was bothering him and whatever it was, it traveled deep. It was not like the Watcher to keep secrets. He was more trusted than most adults they knew. Every one of them had one or both parents that disappointed them in some way, leaving them to fend for themselves. Willow's mother, for example, seemed to know everything about every child but her own. Her father, too, was out of the picture in almost every way. Giles was her replacement for the love and comfort of a parent so when he reprimanded her for anything, it stung. She believed it to be true; you always hurt the ones you love. She believed it because she loved him and she allowed him to become important enough to hurt her.

"Tell me." She asked, trying not to push him but trying to ease his concerns.

"I'm afraid you wouldn't understand what I'm thinking." He replied in weary tones, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. The gesture wasn't useful in any sort of significant way, but it was a habit born of long hours reading.

"Try me." She prompted. He only sighed.

"I can't, Willow."

She pouted, drawing her pink lips down. She looked cute like that and had won many a fight with Xander by pouting like a puppy until he gave in to her demands. This tactic, however, did not seem to impress the man in front of her but he smiled halfheartedly. "You are a remarkable girl, Willow Rosenberg." He admitted softly. "Remarkable woman." He amended.

"Giles, I think I'm gay!" she blurted out and turned almost as red as her fiery hair.

He blinked. Then blinked again. He was truly startled out of his voice by her confession, to him of all people. He was unsure of what to say but she seemed to expect and answer so he carefully tried to reply. "Willow," he said patiently, "I'm told these experiences in college are normal. Quite common, actually."

She started nibbling her lower lip. It wasn't what she was expecting to hear. "No, Giles, I think I'm really gay. There's this girl, that I like…" The look on his face made her pause. It wasn't a bad look, only a deer in the headlights look.

"Nevermind." She murmured softly.

"Willow, perhaps you want to talk to your mother about this?"

"She tried to burn me at the stake, Giles. We haven't been buddy buddy in a while."

"She was under the influence of a demon." He countered feebly. Willow looked down at the floor and he felt guilty for letting her down. Sighing, he put an arm around her shoulder and she brightened. "The heart wants who it wants, Willow. I know this from experience. Just make sure you know if what your heart wants is something lasting or is acting merely on lust."

" _I should take my own advice_." He thought softly when he fell silent. " _Buffy's enough to drive a man to distraction but if I want to pursue this, I do it knowing full well I may lose everything. I can't possibly act without knowing whether I'm suffering an old man's fancy or if she really touches my heart the way I suspect she might_."

He was not, however, willing in any way to admit he might lover her aloud. Willow laid her head on his shoulder, content. Problem solved. Her indulged her and, indeed, himself for a while. "I feel bad for Buffy, Giles." She said at last, breaking the silence. "She's lost Riley and was broken up enough about it to spend the night with Spike."

He frowned at the last bit, rather disliking the platinum vampire. "Buffy is strong. We have to trust that she knows what she needs."

Willow closed her eyes and nodded, committing to do just that. It was easier for the redhead than for the older man at her side. He knew he has a lot to think about and should he finally suss out whatever it was he wanted, that wasn't going to make it easy. Nothing about this in either direction was going to be easy.

"Right, Willow, I ought to let you get back to your room. Life does continue on. Besides, it's more important to be there for Buffy than for an old Watcher like me."

"You're not old." She said tenderly, smiling at him.

"Pray you're right."

When she left, he made a cup of tea and drew the Watcher's journals from his shelf. The newest one was the one he had in his hand, his own. Taking out a pen, the Watcher braced the book against the chair arm and considered carefully what he should say. The feelings he had were something that needed to be preserved, a danger to future generations. The Watcher's journals were filled with the exploits of Slayers but more than that they were filled with the thoughts of men, men like him. In later decades women penetrated the ranks of Watcher and now those journals existed as well.

_I have formed an unhealthy attraction to my Slayer._ He paused, scratching that out. It sounded like the beginning to a bad wanking story. _I have let my feelings for my Slayer affect me more deeply than they should. I love Buffy as if she were my own child. I embrace her friends as my family and I have failed as a Watcher in that respect._ The more he confessed himself, committing the sins to paper, the closer he found redemption. Needing release, he continued.

_Some nights ago during the Faith incident I kissed my Slayer, Buffy, while Faith occupied her body. I did not know then that she was not as I thought her to be. Since then I have been wracked with guilt, having let my desires as a man cloud my judgment for my place as her Watcher. I told the girl of my indiscretions, unable to hide the deed from her. Perhaps I wanted her to know what I'd done, just to see her reaction. Whatever the reason, I've lost her trust._

_She asked me to kiss her two nights ago, to show her what happened between Faith and I. Good Lord, I am only a man! How could I deny her request? When she kisses me, it burns, and I feel myself hungering for her in ways I have not felt since my youth. She is a fantasy, a phantom, and I allow myself to commit to the idea when we touch. She consumes me and I fear I may go mad if I continue to linger in these thoughts of her._

_I have indulged her too much. If I'd taken her away and isolated her as so many of my colleagues have done, she'd be more disciplined and perhaps more willing to follow orders. When they told me I was to be positioned with her on the Hellmouth, I was terrified. It was an honor I dreamt not of. And then when I met her and saw how young she was and how desperately she hungered for a normal life, I fell in love with her. She was someone I needed to protect. Someone I still protect even to the point of discarding the only rules I know. She was the daughter my flesh had never given me._

_I have no idea how to balance this old and new way of thinking. I know I cannot allow this barrier to be crossed more than it currently has but I find it impossible to forget the knowledge I have gained. Even now I'd spare her any pain in the world if my own hand could stop it. Perhaps that is the penalty for giving her this normal life. In allowing her freedom, I have confined myself to this pen. In loving her as a daughter, I have opened to the idea of love and crossed the border. This is my sin to bear. She acts with passion in everything she does. If I did not allow her such freedom, she would not show me such passion in her duty. How much more can I ask of the girl that was willing to die to prevent the Master from rising?_

_No. I must keep these thoughts to myself. If I am to survive without endangering her life I must never suffer these thoughts to be acted upon. I am only too aware that I am twice her age. I am well aware that Spring never can marry Autumn. The thought is too preposterous for words, and yet if she were to ask I'm not sure I'd have the restraint needed to say no. Perhaps I need to look into going back to England. Another Watcher will love her less and will not fail as I have. I may not be in love with Buffy, but I think I could very easily if she showed me even the slightest interest in it. And there is the main crux of my heartache. What I dream of cannot be._

_She's having troubles of her own. I made no apologies for my dislike of her affair with the vampire Angel. In them I recognized a love that could breed their destruction and it very nearly did. And somewhere in the middle of it I lost Jennifer, a night that still lives on in my nightmares. Were I able to give up my life to offer destruction to that demon, Angelus, I would have. Understand now that I make little distinction between the two personas. I know what it is to have evil lurking inside of you, clawing to get out. I know what it is to feel the pull of temptation. It is an everyday struggle. I can never think of Angel and Angelus as two beings because I know the truth of it. Angel will always be Angelus somewhere beneath._

_And now my Slayer has lost another love. I feel the hurt of it as my own and part of it may be to my suggestion. I encouraged Willow, the budding witch (with some power much to my dismay) to do a spell to set things as they should be. Human beings are not meant to be manipulated by magic and it fell spectacularly to pieces. My first instinct was to be glad for it and the thought of that alone cripples me more than I can say. To take joy in my Slayer's suffering is a cardinal sin. I shall never breathe a word of my growing despair to anyone of this circle of friends. I shall never touch Buffy again in any way that is not forthright as her teacher. She makes sacrifices to save people she will never meet. I can sacrifice my heart for the love of her, as odd of a thought as that is._

There the words ceased to flow. He felt cleansed in his confession. All the words on a page before him. What would those Watchers after him think? Was his confession something better left unsaid? He couldn't say and before he lost his nerve he closed the book and replaced it to its shelf. Had he not, he'd have burned the pages before letting anyone discover them.

Somwhere across town a demon reclined in his throne. He was new to Sunnydale and the town seemed ripe for the taking. He was an ancient being, living for this long in his dealings with human and demon kind alike. His body was brownish in color, patching in color here and there. He looked almost like living stone. Around his head was a circle of small horns protruding short spikes. Two longer horms started where his eyebrows might have been, reaching back to lay flat on his head and stopping midway back like bony ridges.

Another demon was by his side, an enforcer demon, a Furlon. He contrasted against his master about as much as one could. While the brown demon looked solid and hard, the other demon looked like it oozed, green pus dripping down its body. It had a long snout and powerful arms. Tree trunk legs help the thing upright. From parts of him it looked like green things wriggled. The brown demon narrowed its eyes. There was something for him in this place, something calling to him through the dim light of dawn. Two of his children sought refuge here, taking shade in the Hellmouth's glow. Though it had taken him years, he finally tracked them down. In the end, his Children of Chaos would pay their debts.

 


	5. Sins of the Past

"You know, Buff, I know this seems strange from a man that lives in his parent's basement but there is life outside of your dorm room."

She looked over at Xander with heavy blue eyes. She'd been in a funk for days now ignoring life outside of her dorm room. She left for patrol and classes but that was mostly it. She was, however, brutally efficient when it came to her sacred duty. The first few nights Willow and Xander had gone patrolling with her and witnessed the Slayer in all of her butt kicking glory. When Willow saw the abandon with which Buffy performed, she felt a strange knot in her stomach. She turned to her best friend, whispering. "She's going to her herself killed."

The other shrugged and was now the only one with her to keep her safe. Cross in hand, he watched the blond as she was engaged in battle with a random scavenger demon. She grunted as it swiped at her and made contact with her right arm. "Can we…oof…not?" she asked the brunette boy standing nearby. Xander shrugged.

The demon stepped closer and she was at a loss for a bigger weapon. Battle axes and swords weren't something she generally brought along to routine patrols. Xander knew that this fight couldn't be won with crosses but one could stay alive with hiding places. He scrambled away from the pair to hide behind a large monument. He didn't need to have bothered, really, as Buffy shortly reached out and twisted the creature's neck. It gave a loud, satisfying crack and it fell to the ground. She heard applause. Thinking it was Xander, she rolled her eyes and turned. Who she saw surprised her and didn't.

"Surprise, Kitten."

For long moments Buffy didn't speak a word, so annoyed she could only stew on it in silence. The man strode closer as Xander emerged. "Hey!" he cried out but with a word and a gesture he was held in place. Dark rings of magic surrounded him and orbited and for as long as they did, he couldn't move. Ethan Rayne was pleased by the result. He turned back to the blond Slayer.

"Better be kind to me, Kitten."

She backed up a step, toward Xander. "What the hell do you want, Ethan? Here to serve more Gods that won't listen to you?" There was ice in her tone. He didn't mistake the cold but being himself he couldn't help but laugh. But she continued, adding something to her demeanor. "Didn't I promise to kill you if I had the chance?"

"Not so fast. Remember what I did to poor Ripper and how close you came to killing the old man?"

She immediately froze, remembering. It had only happened a few months back. "What do you want?" she growled. 

"God!" she pleaded internally, "Let this be something, anything. Give me an excuse to beat him to a pulp!"

"Ah, you understand now why you should be afraid."

"I'm not afraid of you, Ethan."

"You should be, Kitten. You should be."

"Make a point or get the hell out of my town. And stop calling me Kitten!"

"Whatever you say, lovvie." It wasn't an improvement. "So happens that I have a bit of knowledge you want."

"Then get it out, already!" she almost screamed the command, worried for Xander who still hadn't moved.

"Judging by your threats, can't say as I rightly want to anymore."

She leaped at him, knocking him down. Once his concentration was broken, Xander fell to the ground, too. She had a stake to his throat and pressed it down just slightly. "I ought to kill you for what you've done." She growled, menacingly. "Try to kill me, fine, I'm used to that. Don't ever mess with my friends or my Watcher again."

The brown haired man laughed aloud. "If I had young things like you on top of my like this all the time I might have become a Watcher myself."

"You don't have anywhere close to the strength Giles has."

She was suddenly very tired of this conversation. Pressing the stake down again, she emphasized her point. "One, Two…"

"Alright, Slayer, let me up!"

Anything to get off of him. She stood and brushed herself off. Ethan started to explain as she did. "Something's coming, Kitten. Something from our past."

"Not again…" she groused. "Don't you have more of an imagination?"

"So happens it's true, Slayer. When you're young and feel like you're invincible because more power than you ever dreamed of is coursing through your body, you tend to make some pretty steep debts."

She knew very little of her Watcher's life as Ripper, except for that he was somewhat of a rebel without a cause. And a magical badass. And one of those teenagers everyone thought she was though she really wasn't. Oh, and he'd slept with her mom. She tried to think of that as little as possible. "Tell me what to do."

"ah, ah, ah, Kitten. Only the first one's free."

"What's the price?" She knew she'd do just about anything to keep her Watcher safe. "Protect me." She sighed. Even that. Not that she wanted to, but it was something that couldn't be helped.

"Oh, I hate you!" she said, a rumble from deep in her throat. The man blinked. She grabbed his arm and jerked him toward the direction of Giles' apartment. The man didn't resist. Xander, a passive observer to this whole thing could only conclude that nothing good would come from the famed trickster being in their lives for whatever reason. Even if it meant keeping Giles safe he wasn't entirely sure Ethan didn't have his own agenda. Didn't he always? With a sigh he followed along.

When their mentor opened the door, he observed the trio and then closed the door without a word. After a moment he opened it again, peering at the three of them with no small amount of suspicion. When he spoke, it was to Buffy he addressed his comment. "I trust there's an explanation for this?" he asked mildly. She nodded, moving into his flat and taking her usual seat on the couch. Ethan smiled, coming in. "Ripper, old chum! So good to see you! Would you mind sparing a cup of tea for an old friend?"

The Watcher scowled but managed to not immediately throw a punch against the man who seemed to be actively trying to ruin his life at every turn. Buffy looked at him and sympathized, but things were awkward between them now. The heat she felt kissing him now colored her thoughts of her Watcher and she didn't have the confidence to address them. Part of her very much wanted to explore the passion and lust in his kiss. The other part of her was almost certain lust was all that lay between and wondered if it was worth truly shattering their relationship to get these foolish thoughts of lust out of her head as if physical acts could erase the idea. She sighed, scowling herself.

"Does the name Gorgolek ring a bell to you, Ripper?" Ethan asked softly, answering for Buffy as to why he was even there at all. The room was silent, waiting for Giles' response. The older man paused, taking his glasses off and wiping them with an idle hand.

"So it's time to pay that piper, is it?"

"Giles, explain." His Slayer demanded but the Watcher was too lost in thought to address her question. He remembered too well the deal he'd made when he was a mere rebel without a clue. He remembered how it felt to receive the power and felt the spark awaken in him, begging to be let out of check again. When she repeated herself for a third time he finally heard and understood. "Ah, yes, Buffy. You see, when I was young I was very foolish."

"Bloody brilliant, more like!" Ethan chimed in. "You always had a new way of gaining more power and having fun."

The other man gave him a look until Ethan quieted before he continued.

"I was very foolish. I bartered away something I didn't believe I'd ever have to this demon, Gorgolek, in order to become one of his agents, a Son of Chaos. He gave me power and I gave him his due with it."

His green eyes clouded over with darker thoughts, reliving the things he did with the adrenaline of new power in his blood. A Son of Chaos, indeed. He terrorized and delighted in the knowledge of his doings. He manipulated people as if they were little more than puppets on strings, and their lives meaningless. He toyed with them all, including his friends, and felt ashamed. Xander looked up from his chair.

"So how do we fix it?"

Giles blinked and replaced his glassed to where they belonged. "I'm not sure." He admitted softly. "I made the deal. I should keep the bargain."

"If keeping this bargain in any way means I have to lose you, I think we'll pass." The blond piped up and for a moment Slayer's and Watcher's eyes met.

In that moment the world passed between them. Promises of pain, pleasure, and an endless ocean of sensual delights. Buffy almost moaned aloud, imagining their bodies entwined together in some secluded place. It would forever be between them and he was the first to look away and break the spell of attraction. Fortunately, the moment passed unnoticed. Giles' cleared his throat.

"Do you know if Gorgolek is in the area, Ethan?"

The other Brit shook his head. "Afraid I don't. I just know he was headed in this direction with our names on his lips. He could be here now, or anytime soon."

The thought wasn't comforting.

Across town in his own cave, Gorgolek closed his eyes and listened to the Chaos around him, humming with vitality in the area surrounding the Hellmouth. It was like lifeblood to him, the silent screams of inner demons working their way to the surface. Humanity did this to themselves and he loved it. Where else could one find a species so bent on destruction that they'd even go so far as to destroy themselves, in bits, slowly? It was too delicious to resist. That's when the demon began dealing with them, when he saw the potential there.

The demon was brown in color, patched lighter and darker to look like the rocks he surrounded himself with. He was man sized, and shaped for the most part. His skin was rough with the texture of sandstone. He looked over his cave with large, unblinking eyes. Several horns protruded from around his head, coming up like short spikes from a rocky riverbed. Two longer horns protruded from just over its eyes to travel along the top of its bald head like ridges in a canyon.

And, of course, he was not alone. His enforcer, a Furlon demon, waited by his side and stood behind the makeshift throne to await orders. If two demons could be any more different, these two were. Where Gorgolek was hard and lean, the Furlon was large and thick. Where one was brown and neutral in color, the other was dark green and oozing in patches with wriggling appendages sticking to it. The enforcer demon was everything scary in the world and seemed perfectly content to stand by its master's side and be told what to do.

Gorgolek was determined to bide his time. The Hellmouth might be a profitable place to be without arousing suspicions just yet. He intended to collect, oh yes, but from what he understood, one of the men he was after was a Watcher, with an active Slayer in his care. Hardly good business, but he was prepared for it in any case. All in good time. Better to make some deals first and insure the future of his business.

Back in Giles' apartment, Ethan divulged his story bit by bit and how he came to be in Sunnydale, outrunning this demon to which they owed a debt. The longer the other man spoke, the more irate the Watcher became. When he fell silent, at last, it was all too clear what had to be done. He stood and cleared his throat.

"Ah, well, Ethan, it seems you've overstayed your welcome. As, I recall, you never had one to begin with."

The other man shook his head with a wry smile. "I made a deal with your Slayer, Ripper. You have to protect me in exchange for the information I so graciously handed over to you."

Giles looked sharply at Buffy. He cleared his throat again. "Buffy, may I see you in private a moment to, ah, discuss the situation here?"

The blond nodded, following him around the corner into the kitchen to be shaded by the wall there. He grabbed her, trying to look stern but the minute they were away from prying eyes he lost himself in her cherubic features, the soft swell of her cheek and the delicate hue of her eyes. Entranced in her all he could see was himself kissing her as he had just on the other side of that wall, just a short while previous. "I love you, Giles." She whispered, startling him out of his reverie.

"Hm?" he asked dreamily. Buffy did not seem amused.

"I said, what did we need to talk about?" she asked softly, close to him and confused by how he was acting. He blinked.

"Quite right. How could you offer Ethan any measure of protection?"

"Hello? Demon, remember?"

He remembered. All too well, he remembered. "All the more reason for him not to be in or around my home!" the Watcher demanded softly, if not urgently. His Slayer smiled.

"Necessary evil, Giles. If he lays a hand on you, let me know. I've been dying to throw him down for a while now."

"I assume that's a euphemism for beating the bleeding pulp out of him?"

"Oh, yeah."

"You have my blessing. Why wait?"

"Giles…" her tone was something dry and impatient. "Quite right." He agreed to her near wordless admonition. He straightened his back. This was nothing they hadn't been through before. Demons, Apocalypse, danger. Her blue eyes bore into his vibrant green orbs. "What was Ripper like?" she asked softly. He didn't speak for a moment, startled out of voice by the question. A fair question, pertinent, too, but not something he wanted to address. He struggled to know what to tell her exactly.

"Ripper was," He began, "he is something of a rebel. He believed in finding ways to bend society into chaos for his own ends using dangerous and foolish magics."

"Is?"

"Well, yes, he'll always be underneath my mind. He's a part of me I keep carefully suppressed. But it's his passion and quick thinking that gets me through a fight. Believe you me."

"You don't need him." She breathed, looking into his eyes and seeing the tumultuous man so close to the surface while being discussed. He smiled sadly. She realized and didn't in the same breath. "This isn't like Angel and Angelus. Ripper isn't a separate side of me. He exists constantly, under the surface, a skill to call on when I need it. And, as with most skills, using it tempts certain costs and reactions."

She'd stepped closer without realizing it, seeing the danger in his eyes, written on his face, and the danger called to her. It was inviting her to come and play in the flames, daring her not to get burned. Her breath caught in her throat as a ragged gasp. "Show me!"

"Are you daft? Whatever for?"

"You said you made this deal with the demon as Ripper. Maybe bringing him out will give us an understanding on how to go about breaking the deal, or beating the demon."

"You have no idea what you're asking, Buffy." The other assured. She pouted. Her reasoning was a flimsy excuse to get what she wanted but it wasn't without merit. Besides, with inhibitions gone, perhaps he'd find the strength to flush her from his system.

"Not now. Not here. Tomorrow I'll have you meet me after patrolling. Somewhere alone."

"I know a place." She responded and told him the location of her surprise fantasy for Riley. It was quiet, out of the way, secluded. Most of the things were still in place, including the cross and the shackles. Useful things to have in a situation like this. She related as much to him.

"Perfect." The Watcher murmured. "Tomorrow, near midnight. Come see me there. We'll see if Ripper has anything to say about all of this."

She nodded gravely, her heart giving a small leap of excitement. "Tomorrow night."

Somewhere beyond Xander yelped and there was a large clatter of noise. The two in seclusion looked around the corner to see Xander laying on the floor, chair skewed beneath him with an amused looking Ethan standing over him. Giles moved forward, grabbing the other man by his collar. "What've you done, Ethan?" he growled. The other feigned surprise.

"Why nothing, Ripper. I was just telling the lad about the time you and Deidre and I were alone in that abandoned church, trying to summon that Corvex demon. I was telling him about the summoning ritual. It was all about the details and poor Deidre! She writhed a good long time for us both, didn't she Ripper? Her moans could be heard…"

"Ethan!" the sharp voice of the Watcher broke through in the moments before Buffy thought she might be sick. Sex for summoning? She'd heard of worse and yet, somehow, not. "This is neither the place nor the time to talk about such things. Deidre is gone. At least be decent and honor her memory, man!"

"We did these things. Why hide from them?" Ethan asked softly, a challenge. There was no mistaking that in his tone.

"I'm not hiding. But I've grown up, Ethan. The petty crimes of a schoolboy no longer interest me."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that, Ripper. I know you too well. The desires of a young man don't fade because the body ages. If I know you at all, Ripper, and I do though you kid yourself otherwise, there's some dormant desire in you still for something you can't have.

"You've no idea, Ethan." He said softly in response, but said no more.


	6. Faith through the Fire

From the time Buffy Summers woke, all she could think about was Ripper. In class as her professors droned on about things of semi-importance, all she could think about was their meeting that night. Her mind was engaged in a war of epic proportions between healthy curiosity and good, old fashioned common sense. He was dangerous, by all accounts, manipulative and completely without inhibitions. In most ways, the type of man she liked to associate with.

After being around Angel, with his past and his guilt forever hanging over them and the promise of a moment of happiness turning into a world of pain, she could never relax. Then there was Riley, who lacked the true fire and passion needed to satisfy her. And Spike, finally Spike, more annoyance than significant but he didn't lack for passion or danger. His problem lay in his lack of a soul and the chip in his head. While fighting she and Spike had always been on equal ground. Now, she couldn't say the same thing. All the men in her life were complicated. All except Xander, of course, now that his crush was long since over. Even then, she never felt a spark between them. He was a wonderful companion, but had none of the qualities she liked in a lover.

Even Willow noticed her distraction as the sun began to set over the valley. She gazed out of her dorm room window, watching it fall with a small sigh of relief. The redhead moved over to stand next to her, watching students heading across campus for various reasons and couldn't put a thumb on the subtle pulse of Buffy's thoughts. "What's got you so jumpy?" she asked her companion. Blue eyes stared at the fair skinned girl. She smiled.

"Nothing, Will. Sacred duty, life of the Chosen one, blah blah blah." The flippant comment was not in character for the girl but Willow didn't point that out. Instead she offered. "Want me to go patrolling with you?"

The Slayer shook her head. "Don't think so. Not tonight. I'm gonna try to get a lead on this Gorgolek guy and it'll be easier by myself. Things might get a little messy trying to find info. Don't wait up, Will. I might be in late."

Her best friend sighed. She knew what that meant. Buffy throwing herself into momentous amounts of danger and the redhead at home waiting for her to come back and convince her she's alive without ever letting the blond know she missed out on sleep. Honestly, being the best friend of the Slayer was a complicated business! "Promise me you'll be careful." She sighed at last. The blond smiled. "Of course, Will." And the redhead couldn't help but feel like she'd just been lied to. Shrugging, she left the Slayer to prepare for the night ahead.

She sheathed a few stakes, a dagger, and a couple vials of holy water just in case. It wasn't that she thought she needed them to go patrolling, but to have them there made her feel better. She stalked through the cemetery, beating and dusting vampires but almost no new information on Gorgolek arriving on the scene. Perhaps it was just as well, she thought to herself. It was late and she was getting tired. Maybe Ethan was lying. Or, maybe, the demon simply hadn't arrived in town yet. She didn't know one way or another. Instead she looked at the moon, judged the time to a relatively accurate degree, and headed off into the woods toward her waiting Watcher.

She pushed open the metal door and looked inside. She was momentarily dazzled by the lights, tons of candles lit to create a false daylight within. He waited for her there, standing reasonably close to where he had when he first arrived an hour previous. He saw the chair cemented into the floor and bolted again for good measure and the large cross on the wall with shackles too thick for even a Slayer to break and his heart grieved. This is what Buffy wanted? This is what she tried to give Riley? He couldn't understand. When he heard her come in, he turned and faced her.

"Ah, yes, on time as usual, Buffy."

Her heart fell; he was no different than usual. "I thought…" she started. He held up his hand for silence. "In due time." He gestured for her to bolt the door, to bar intrusion from the outside world. She did and then took steps forward, toward him. He was dressed surprisingly casually for himself, jeans and a sweater vest over a tee shirt. She raised an eyebrow. He only shrugged. "You'll see." He came over to her grabbed her shoulders, concern in his eyes; "Are you absolutely certain you want this?" She nodded once, breathlessly. "And can you promise me you can handle him?" She nodded again, staring at him. What could be so bad? It was still him, after all, born into tweed diapers! He sighed.

"He'll attempt to use you, get a rise out of you. He's dangerous, Buffy, manipulative. He'll say whatever he has to to get what he wants. He has no loyalties and only wants to see destruction."

She followed along with him, confused but trying to take him seriously. She grabbed his arm, looking up to catch his eyes. "Giles, chill! I'll be ok. Slayer, remember?"

The older man sighed and nodded. "Perhaps you're right. The change won't be immediate but you'll know when he's on the surface. Do be careful."

He went to sit on the metal chair and closed his eyes. She watched and waited, anticipation resounding in waves. For long minutes no one spoke. Finally, when he hadn't spoken or moved for long enough to make her nervous, she approached the man. "Giles?" she reached a hand out to him. He jerked his head up, looking around and she yanked her hand back. The difference in his eyes was obvious, immediate. This man wasn't her cautious Watcher but someone else, dangerous and exciting. Her heart pounded.

"Ripper." She breathed out, more a sigh than a word. He looked on her, all at once focusing on her form. The way his eyes seemed to take her in, memorize and undress her, she felt underdressed in her blouse and pants. He responded softly in a moment. "S'me, love." He sounded like Spike then, dangerous and exotic. A shiver raced up her spine. The man rose from his chair, coming close. He grabbed her by the shoulders, as Giles had done only ten minutes previous. "Why did the old man let me out of my cage alone in this rather fascinating room with you?"

He practically purred, prowling around her once he let her go. His eyes devoured the sight of her and in spite of her promise, she was nervous. He was more than Giles, predatory and menacing. A flicker of awareness passed through those inky jade depths and he smiled. "Right. You wanted this. You wanted to meet me, see for yourself. How do I compare, love?" he asked, moving close to her. She backed off a step.

"You're all talk and no answer or action from what I see so far." She responded coldly. To her surprise he laughed, stripping off the sweater vest to only exist in the tee shirt. Buffy saw little of her Watcher's body under the best of circumstances and if she ever thought that was a good thing, she took it back then. The body revealed beneath the flimsy shirt was one of strength betrayed by his age. When he moved, his muscles rippled against the fabric, reminding her of a crouching tiger awaiting its prey. Another shiver went up her spine.

"Aren't you cheeky?" he asked at last, drawing a cigarette from somewhere and lighting it in a nearby candle.

"You smoke?" she asked disgustedly. Then she remembered: band candy. "Of course you still smoke." She responded to herself. "Next you're gonna ask me if my mom's around."

The man beside her laughed again, pulling a long drag from the smoking stick between his lips. "I'd not turn it down if she were here, but I do fancy something stronger. Your mum was good, but…lacking in all those proper areas." He stalked closer to her, catching her off guard as he flicked the cigarette away suddenly to grab her from behind. His arms like steel wrapped around her, pinning her arms to her sides. She was too surprised to react. His body was pressed against her from behind and she felt it keenly against her own.

His fingers bit into her skin so hard it hurt. She bit her lower lip and whimpered, squirming in his hands. Her full body pressed to his, wriggling for release. She felt the sweep of arousal break through her. "Oh, God." She murmured as he turned her to face him. He pressed her front to him now, enjoying the panic in her eyes. "Shhh, love, I'm not here to harm you." It was a lie and she knew it, thrashing against him. He held her more tightly, causing pain again.

"What do you want, love?" he offered in a soft way.

"Tell me about Gorgolek." She responded and he let her go immediately. Black waves of power began radiating out of him, black tangles of electricity crackling around his fingertips. Engulfed in magic like that, he was truly terrifying and unrecognizable.

"This is what he gave me, love. In me all the time. You don't know how much damage these hands of mine have caused."

"Show me." She gasped, wanting so desperately to understand how a man she thought she knew so well could turn into this.

Arching an eyebrow, he stepped closer to her, reaching for her body with his electric hands. When they touched, pain whipped through her, inner turmoil and chaos leaking into her body and making her head spin. She moaned, lost somewhere between pain and pleasure. Her eyes closed, breathing hard through his touch and riding the pain of merely being in his presence as he was. When she cracked open her eyes again, once the pain had subsided, the magic was gone and he was staring at her with a curious look on his face.

Wondering, he whispered, "What sort of plaything have I had under my thumb this whole time?" To emphasize, he pushed his thumb over her cheek gently, cupping her face in his hands and looking through her. "Tell me, precious, could you be fun if I provided the right toys?" he asked in a dark voice, thickly accented with lust over his new discovery. She whimpered against him, melting into him. His voice was inviting, commanding and she knew she'd obey it. It was him, her Watcher, somewhere underneath asking her to submit to him.

"Go to the cross, little one." he whispered in her ear, drawing his tongue over the lobe of it in a sweeping motion. She shivered but obeyed him, remembering the last time she was here. She waited for the shackles to be put in place, but they never were. "wait, aren't you?" she protested softly. He clucked his tongue. "Anyone can tie someone up and expect them to obey. A real leader inspires obedience without the trappings." He came close, his breath hot on her skin. "Can you obey, love?"

He pulled her shirt up and over her head, letting it slip from between his fingertips to fall to the floor. She nodded and turned her back on him, facing the blank wall behind the rough cross. She stretched her arms wide of her own volition, leaning against the cross. "That's a girl." he whispered in approval. Backing up, he found the whip where Riley'd dropped it weeks before. Taking it in hand he took in the sight of the the Slayer half naked and shivering, waiting for his touch. Then he drew back his arm and let the whip fall as it may.

Buffy jumped. This was not the unskilled touch of Riley's attempts. This was a hit made by someone who knew pain, intimately well. It exploded over her, and she knew nothing else but the touch of his whip. How many times it fell, she couldn't say. She just felt blow after blow descend on her back, aimed expertly over her.

She craved the pain and wanted the danger and in the end she felt cleansed by it all. She spoke without knowing it, pleas for more falling from her lips to drift to him. She cried. And begged. She used words she didn't know she possessed to ask for experiences she never knew she wanted. He gave her everything without asking for any return. As long as she stood at the cross was as long as he let the whip kiss her skin. She did it so long she could hardly stand but she never moved away from the cross.

At long last the blows stopped coming. She was sore, wrung dry of her tears and shaken to her core. Now all she wanted was completion. Shaking, she turned back to him. "Why did you do that?" she whispered, voice breaking with too much use as she'd begged him not to stop. Ripper looked at his brilliant work of art, taking her in. He'd marked her, scored her back and painted her with pain more exquisite than an orgasm but never once did he break the skin. When she asked, he could not lie.

"I did it because you wanted it. You needed the pain, just like you always have and you always will. We're similar, love, in that way. We crave everything that's worst for us."

He came forward, as his words sunk in and she knew they were true. This is what she wanted all along. He wasn't lacking for any of it. Pain, passion, danger. She wanted it all. So when he took her lips she let him with all of the earthshaking passion she had inside of her. When he pulled away she whimpered in protest. His green eyes looked like a storm, shifting and wild. She wanted him to kiss her again, complete the need the pain had caused in her body. Every part of her being wanted him, desperately. He reached a hand down to caress the bare expanse of her stomach. "This is so wrong." she whimpered, imagining her stern faced Watcher as she closed her eyes.

He grabbed her face and forced her to look at him. "No!" he protested. "Try to lie to me, I'll see the truth. But don't try to lie to yourself."

She blinked. "Wha...?"

"Can you honestly tell me if I bent you over right here and made you scream louder than you ever have before that it would feel wrong to you?"

She started to speak but couldn't. The idea of him taking her sounded delicious and she wanted it, oh how maddeningly she wanted it. And no, after everything it wouldn't feel wrong to have him inside of her. He understood what she needed, who she was inside. But she wasn't sure if Ripper understood, or Giles, or really if they were both the same man. They didn't seem like it, after all.

He rolled his eyes and pushed her away. "You're thinking too much, Slayer! For God's sake. You were begging me to hurt you just a minute ago, begging me to have my sodding way with you in every way imaginable and now you back off because I told you to be honest with yourself?"

"It's not that!" she yelled back, offended and wanting.

"Right, sure it isn't. Then tell me! Tell me you want me! Tell me no other boy has put your knickers in a twist quite as much as I have and I swear I'll fuck you until you can't breathe. Say the words, out loud."

She paused, her back against the cross and the lines burned against it. "It's just, Giles..."

"Oh, right, Watcher has a bit of a crush on his Slayer, doesn't he. And I bet you two have been dancing around it for all this time." He paused, then the light bulb clicked on. "I understand. You're worried the old man won't remember having his fill if I get to you first. You're worried wanting me means you don't want him. Do I have that right, love?"

"He said he doesn't love me."

"Don't be stupid. Of course he loves you."

"I meant he's not in love with me."

"Everything he does says he's in love with you. Except leaving you alone with me. That doesn't say much for him."

"Ripper, tell me."

"You first, love."

"Alright." Her eyes were hard when she looked at him, deciding at last what she really wanted after all this time. "What you did for me, with the whip, I'll remember it for a long time to come. It felt amazing, to be free of this need to feel pain. You understood that but kissing Giles burned in a way you can't imagine. Sure, I want you. I want you so much I can't even see straight. And yet, I think about it and I'd rather it was him and not you."

Ripper turned his head away, knowing she'd spoken the truth finally. Somewhere inside the old man must have been jumping with joy because the body slumped into the chair with a sigh of resignation. He looked at her and lit another cigarette.

"Shall I tell you about the demon now? There isn't much to tell."

"Gorgolek." he started. She managed to nod. He continued. "I made a deal with him, a contract. I offered him something I never knew I'd have for something I very much wanted. The power you saw."

"What did you offer him?"

"My future."


	7. Give Me My Sin Again

When Giles forced his way back to the surface he was alone in the room. He sat in the metal chair, remembering, keenly aware of everything he'd done. He relived every moment and memorized every word between them and she wanted him! He didn't know how to feel about that. He wanted her, too, but every thought in his heart screamed that it was wrong of him to want his young Slayer. Sighing, he went to put out the candles and traveled home. When he got there Ethan was on his couch, waiting, and to Gile's great relief, bound and gagged. Apparently Xander and Willow had grown sick of him sometime in the night.

Ethan's eyes bore into his through the dim light and the Watcher relented, but not without some lingering sense of cruelty. He ripped the gag from his mouth and untied the man from his chair. Ethan stood and stretched as Giles went to travel upstairs. "Good for the help, Ripper." he sighed as he pulled his hands over his head. The Watcher paused and looked at him. "Oh, do come off it, you twat. You're only here because my Slayer is a true hero and I won't break her promise. But if you get in my way at any point, I will kill you myself." Ripper's words, his mouth, not good. He felt dizzy. "I'm going to have a lie down now so do take care to be quiet."

His dreams that night danced between dangerous and erotic. He thrashed in his sleep, torn somewhere between giving in and trying to break away. The last thing he remembered before drifting into a dreamless sleep was Buffy's form beneath him, begging him to take her. He shuddered in relief and slept the rest of the night on that fantasy alone.

In the morning his outlook was brighter. The sun streamed through the windows on either side of his bed. When he dressed he even had a slight pep in his step. Anytime he closed his eyes he saw his Slayer again, asking for him. He heard her admitting it was his kiss that made her wanting. He went downstairs and woke Ethan, who rolled off the couch with a satisfying "plop" onto the wooden floor. He bolted up from sleep after that and Giles was even so gracious as to ask if he wanted a cup of tea. They sat in silence a short time later, sipping tea as if they were the old friends they were supposed to be. Ethan was the first to speak.

"So, you showed her your deep, repressed little secret, did you?"

Green eyes fixed themselves on Ethan and he cursed in his own mind. Of course it wouldn't be a secret from him. "Did you tell them, Willow and Xander?"

The other sighed. "They gagged me before I could let out any of the good details. I do believe that lad of yours is positively traumatized."

"Well, who could blame him after that Deidre nonsense? You have no respect for anyone, Ethan."

"You're right about that, Ripper. I respect power."

"Wanker." He rose and deposited his empty tea cup into the sink. That's when he heard a knock on the door. Ethan rose to answer it but Giles rushed into the room to haul him back. "My home. I can answer my door myself." Ethan made a slight gesture.

When Giles answered the door he was delighted to see Buffy step through. He smiled, decided that was much too inappropriate depending on the situation and darkened his face into something more serious. But he continued to smile inside. She looked over at Ethan, not noticing his change. "Does he have to be here?"

Her Watcher cleared his throat. "He could go into the basement, for a while anyway."

"You've got to be kidding me!" he protested, looking at the both of them. "You lot must be off of your rockers!"

"Ethan, just bloody do it. We're keeping you safe, remember? And I don't trust you to be outside alone."

The other mumbled his retreat into the basement below Giles' apartment. It was one of the main draws of the place when he'd first considered renting here. Now, he was more thankful than ever. He approached the blond and placed a hand on her shoulder. "I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you about last night. We have much to discuss..."

The blond pushed a hand to his lips, silencing any further thoughts. "Can we not?" she asked softly. "There's been so much talking between us these past few weeks and I'm tired of it. No more talking. I think it's time to act."

She reached up and tilted her face to his, kissing him. It was soft and gentle at first, tentative. When he slipped his arms around her waist the kiss strengthened. She pressed her lips more firmly against his and parted them. He took the invitation and brushed his tongue against hers, once, to gauge the reaction. She moaned. He took the hint and let his tongue linger over hers a while, engaged in a slow dance with her own. He lost all sense of time, kissing her this way. It could have been a minute, an hour, and he wouldn't have known the difference. When she pulled away he was literally shaking with desire. She was still trying to find her breath.

"Giles, I want you." she admitted softly.

"I've never wanted anyone so well as you in my entire life." he responded, scooping her up into his arms and carrying her up the stairs. While they traveled to his bedroom she showered his face with little kisses. He pushed the door to his room open and laid her on his bed before going back to close it. When he walked toward her again he felt the weight of his conscience and sat beside her, taking her hand in his. "Are you sure you want this, Buffy? What's done now cannot be undone." She smiled slowly at him, rising up to look him in the eyes. "No more words and no more thoughts." she reminded, leaning back down onto the bed and pulling him with her.

He lay on top of her, his hands traveling up her sides before her used them to brace himself over her. Watching her baited with anticipation, her golden hair splayed over the pillow, she looked like an angel. He kissed her again, having resisted the sweet temptation of her lips for as long as he possibly could. They were warm and inviting, welcoming his kiss, his tongue, with grace and ease. He explored the depth of her mouth. He memorized her taste, her touch, the subtle way she directed him in what he should do next. She moaned, low in her throat. Her body felt hot and her clothing grew more binding the hotter she felt.

He continued to kiss her, planting expert kisses over her lips, neck and shoulders. He tasted her everywhere as her hands wandered over him, begging for all the attention he could give. He lavished it on her. His hands worked deftly down her blouse, unbuttoning each button down the line and kissing the new skin he uncovered. He peeled away the thin fabric to uncover a white, laced bra. The sight was intoxicating. He gulped and brought his tongue over the gentle swell of her breast. Then he blew gently on the line to cause a simple sweep of cold over it. A child's trick, but effective. She gasped.

His hands moved lower down her body skimming over the delicate skin. He kissed down her body, inch by inch, tasting the salty sweetness. "Wait!" she panted out, bringing him back up her body with gentle hands. "Not yet." she whispered, moving to kiss him again. As they kissed she swept him onto his back, breathing in his scent. Lifting him up, she slipped his shirt over his head breaking the kiss to let the cloth pass. He reached up and caressed her cheek, looking fondly into her eyes.

She slithered down his body, teasing her hands along the waistband of his pants, dipping the fingertips underneath occasionally. He sucked in his breath paying strict attention to what she wasn't touching more than what she was. She played at this a long time, showing more patience with her game than she'd ever shown for anything he'd seen. He writhed beneath her, more than ready for them to come together at last but she never once let her hand stray far enough to touch the object of her desire. Giles was almost beside himself with wanting her. In the disguise of a child she played the game of a woman and he was her helpless slave against it. "Buffy!" he gasped out, breath ragged.

Her blue eyes flashed up to his face and she almost laughed. "Don't you like it, Giles?" she asked him in her breathy, teasing voice. He growled.

"You know bloody well that I like it, you vixen!" he teased.

He moved to get up and reach for her but she put out her hand. "Not yet." She warned. He groaned in frustration, covering his face with his hands as he sank back onto the pillows. When he heard his own belt buckle being undone, he peeked through his hands and saw, to his great relief, the blond girl undoing his pants. He thought he'd never seen anything so wonderful in his whole life! She pulled down his pants, tugging the boxers away as well. He didn't have time to be embarrassed by the exposure before her hand brushed along his hard member. Her fingertips traced down the length and it twitched involuntarily. He groaned again. "Dear Lord! Buffy!"

"You never told me." She accused softly. "You never told me about this, how you've hidden yourself away. Look at you! Your body…it's amazing."

With so much attention being called to his body, he couldn't hide his embarrassment now. "There is a definite difference between your state of dress and mine." He pointed out. The blond shrugged. "Fair enough."

She stood up, next to the bed and unbuttoned her pants, pushing them off with her hands and stepping out of them when they hit the floor. His eyes were glued to her body, wide eyed. She took a step closer. "Want to do the honors?" He nodded without a word and sat up. She gathered her blond hair up onto her head and held it in place while he unhooked her bra. When it was loose, she let her arm drop and he guided the white garment down her arms to drop into place on the floor. The sight of her was almost too much for him to stand. He gulped, exercising every drop of self restraint he had inside of him not to fling her to the bed and ravage her right then. His thumbs hooked over her panties and he tugged them down with one pull, letting them fall to the floor.

She was a goddess. She was his goddess. He pulled her squarely in front of him and ran his hands over her naked skin, heedless of boundaries or pesky internal admonitions. She stood for it all, loving the familiar feel of his hands on her skin. Before it was to help her train. Now his hands had a new purpose. His hands moved over her breasts and down her torso, slipping behind to her back and then over her pert ass. They roamed ceaselessly until he felt the heat of her blood rushing to the surface of the skin and warming her with desire. "Buffy, come here." With eyes heavy and half lidded with lust, she obeyed.

He took her hand and guided her onto the bed beside him, taking her mouth with his again in another long and passionate kiss. Deftly, one of his hands traveled down her body and slipped between her legs. She jumped, moaning into the kiss but her legs parted just a little, willingly, to allow his hand better access. What he found was perfection to the touch. She was soft and hot, slick to the touch and wanting. His finger sought out and found the sensitive nub of nerve endings, massaging around it without actually manipulating the bud itself. She went crazy, breaking away from the kiss and moaning her protest and her pleasure. Her Watcher, however, was as patient as time itself and did nothing to give her release. His finger slid along the velvety folds touching everything but the one thing that would please her most.

Rather than look at what he was doing, he chose to study her face as it contorted with unimaginable torture. He grinned wickedly, coming close to her ear as he whispered. "Tell me, precious. Could you be fun if I gave you the right toys?" Her eyes flew open, recognizing Ripper's words to her the night before. "No!" she protested. "Give him back to me!" She sounded so sincere he burst out laughing, forgetting his labors to kiss her deeply, with gratitude. "Oh, my dear sweet Buffy! I wouldn't leave you at a time like this."

"Giles, I can't take much more of this." She admitted. He nodded silently as he couldn't agree more. He positioned himself on top of her, parting her legs with his thighs and letting the head of his member hover against her opening. He braced himself and pushed in slightly, letting his phallus sink into her just an inch. She whimpered and tightened instinctively. He groaned. Slayers indeed had muscle control no one could quite imagine. Little by little he pushed himself into her, sheathing his throbbing member into her to the hilt. For a long minute he stayed just like that within her, letting them both savor the union they'd been dancing around for so long.

Eventually he began moving inside of her, slowly at first. He felt her sizzling around him as she whimpered her pleasure. He took his time with her, moving slowly and no faster just to make the connection last as long as it could. Her hands traveled over his rippling muscles, urging him on with sweet cries of pleasure. It was amazing! Her body moved in no way he'd ever felt before, working with his in a way that suggested they'd been made for each other. He lost himself in the rapture, thrusting harder into her and enjoying the intensity of her cries. He drank them in like wine, becoming dizzy the more he took. "God, Buffy." He moaned in wonder, amazed by her in every way.

She lay beneath him, holding onto him and pulling him against her. Her body was soft and yielding to his touch, begging him to fulfill her at long last. She couldn't stop the cries even if she wanted to. She closed her eyes and lost herself. "Giles, I need…" she whimpered. He paused. "Yes?" She opened her eyes and looked at him. He was beautiful like this, attentive and innocent. "You." She responded, pulling him down on top of her and sweeping him onto his back. Straddling him, she began riding him in precise motions, tight circles with her hips. The change in him was immediate as he grabbed her, his fingertips sinking into the flesh of her hips. It almost hurt as he urged her onward. He guided her movement to a pace that would please them both.

She rode him well, feeling her clit brush his hard length with each movement. Almost drowning in pleasure she felt herself getting hotter. It was getting impossible to ignore now and she began panting. "If we keep this up I'm going to come!" That only encouraged him into frenzy, bucking his hips up to meet hers as they descended. She impaled herself onto him continually, feeling fuller than she'd ever been in her life. She barely had time to breathe before she exploded on top of him, his name dragged from her lips in one long cry.

He reeled. The orgasm of a Slayer was unlike anything he'd ever known. All at once she was excruciatingly tight and the proof of her release flooded over his member. She moved recklessly in her climax, riding the tide of pleasure without taking much trouble to limit herself in any way. It was fine with him. He rose off the bed, wrapping his strong arms around her body and continued to buck into her from beneath. He felt brilliant, burying himself in her scorching sex only to have her beg for more. Her voice found her again and she started to beg. She begged for things carnal and violent, singularly wonderful sounding things. He drove himself mad trying to give them to her.

A sheen of sweat formed on his brow and down his chest but he continued going, driving himself into her like the desperate man he was. He felt his own climax building but wouldn't surrender to it just yet. Instead he kept going, his body slick with sweat and her juices. He felt her shudder inside once, and then once more and once she'd come for the third time he allowed himself the release he so fervently wanted. He buried his aching cock into her slick core and felt the release come. With a roar of carnal triumph he accepted it, feeling himself swell to fill her up with the proof of his own orgasm.

She moaned, settling on top of him, the aftershocks of her own intense climaxes still shaking her legs. He collapsed backward and brought her with him, setting her to the side to curl up in his arms. They were both shaking, breathing hard, satisfied down to their last cell. His fingers toyed with her hair. "That was brilliant." He commented at long last. "Brilliant." She agreed, sighing happily as her eyes fluttered somewhere between awake and asleep. She was tired. He was exhausted. And still, it was only early afternoon. They'd been at it for hours.

Just as he was starting to sleep with her in his arms they both heard someone at the door. Ethan came in on them, clearing his throat. "Ripper…" he began but stopped short, seeing them compromised like this. Giles yelped, scrambling to throw a blanket over their naked bodies. "Good God, man! Get out of here this instant!" he commanded, pointing at the door. Ethan's wicked eyes traveled over the scene and Buffy felt sick when they latched onto her. She made a sound of disgust, pulling the blanket more tightly around her form.

"It's not as if I didn't know what you two were doing up here, Ripper. Anyone in a square block could hear you two going at it like shagging rabbits."

"This doesn't tell me why you're up here, Ethan." Giles sighed, reaching where his pants had been dropped while staying covered. He picked them up and slid them on.

"Curiosity, Ripper. Nothing more. Is this something you study in the Watcher's Academy? How to shag your Slayer 101?"

"I fail to see why this couldn't have waited until we came downstairs."

"Oh, it could have waited. However, the rest of the little kiddies at the door likely couldn't."

"What are you talking about?" Giles asked, panicking. He was ready to take the next step with Buffy. He wasn't certain at all he was ready for everyone to know it. Still, he turned back to Buffy who was still frozen in place and then back to Ethan. "Get out and go downstairs. We'll be along shortly." The other man arched an eyebrow and did as he was asked, a devious chuckle rumbling in his chest.

He took Buffy's hands in his and kissed them softly. "Are you alright? No regrets I hope?"

She smiled for an instant. "No regrets. I asked for this. I just didn't think we'd have to deal with things quite so soon."

It was in his heart to tell her he loved her. He wanted to tell her in all the flowery words of poets exactly how wonderful she was. He wanted to, but the words died on his lips. Instead he watched her dress and chose to bide his time. When they descended he expected to see Willow, or Xander, or both. Instead, there was no one. Ethan sat on the couch, book in hand. "What's the meaning of this? I thought the gang was here calling."

The other man blinked, closing the book with a sigh. "There were kiddies at the door selling cookies. I suppose they just didn't want to wait. I invited them to."

"You WANKER!" the Watcher exploded as his companion let out a peel of rich laughter. Buffy sighed. Typical Ethan. Disaster staved off for a moment she allowed her heart to stop pounding.

Across town the brown demon motioned to his companion. The Furlon came close. "It's time." Gorgolek commented. "You know what is owed to me. I want him found and brought immediately." The green demon bowed with his orders.

He exited the cave wordlessly and the brown demon relaxed on his throne. After a minute he stepped to the mouth of the cave himself, almost blending into the structure. He spoke to the dying sunlight, to no one in particular. "So, Rupert Giles, it has come time to pay your debts. It will be nice to see you again."


	8. The Oblivion of Faith

It was business as usual when they got downstairs. Buffy's hazel eyes glanced over her Watcher, feeling a deep seeded need between her legs, remembering how he'd ravaged her only a little while previous. Confused by how deep the longing ran she made a small excuse to leave and slipped through the door much to the older man's chagrin. It has promised to be such a nice evening before Ethan interrupted. Growling, he struck the trickster over the head. "Ponce!"

Buffy walked into the courtyard, the sun's dying rays barely peaking over the second story of the apartments. The interior courtyard was shaded. Still, she felt the demon's presence before she saw it and hated she had no weapon to protect herself. Walking out onto the street, deserted for the most part, she felt the demon follow. She ducked into the cemetery and it didn't take long to find a place to hide. The green demon following her paused and looked around. She quickly suppressed a gasp. It was a huge being, ten feet tall with legs like tree trunks and arms like steel beams. She was not reassured she'd be able to kick its ass.

"Come out, Bunny!" it rumbled in accent English. She sighed, coming out from her place. In typical Buffy defiance she had her hands on her hips, gazing up at the creature obviously bigger than she was.

"First of all, it's Buffy. If you're going to call me out at least use my name. And second, didn't anyone tell you that the green ooze look is out? So out, in fact, I don't think it was ever in. SHOWER, say it with me."

The demon blinked its yellowish eyes at her, trying to figure out what to make of her speech. Then it simply picked up a nearby headstone and swiped it in her direction. She yelped, diving to the ground. She felt the heavy stone pass overhead, the breeze from it ruffling her hair. It smacked into another stone and the other exploded into pieces. Dust swirled into the air along with smallish bits of rubble. She rolled into a crouch, watching the demon expectantly. It seemed to be doing the same of her. She ran forward and struck out at its leg her own hands crashing into something that felt as remarkably solid as a tree trunk. She whimpered, pulling her hand back.

The demon laughed and allowed her a second attack before sweeping her up into his arms. "OH, GROSS!" she panted out, disgusted. Her outfit was now smeared with green goo that seemed to be oozing from the demon's pores. Raising her hands she took a shot at its face. It grunted but there was no real effect. It brought her up to look at it in the eyes. "Are you the child of Rupert Giles?" it asked plainly as she thrashed. When she heard the question she stopped, utterly confused.

"No, I'm not his child." Now it was the demon's turn to look confused as it studied her.

"Are you the child of Rupert Giles?" it asked again.

"Didn't you hear me? I just told you I'm not his child! I'm his Slayer!"

The demon nodded. "Slayer." Then it started off for the south with her struggling uselessly in its arms. It stalked through the cemetery and passed by a very confused looking platinum vampire. He'd just emerged from his crypt to see the Slayer in the arms of a Furlon demon, heading off somewhere in the back of the cemetary. Without thinking, he bolted off in the direction of Giles' apartment. He pounded on the door and when the Watcher opened it, he pushed himself in. "Right then, let's go get her."

The blond vampire wasn't exactly welcome in the house but having had an invitation once he could enter anytime. Rupert pinched the bridge of his nose. "Spike, to what do I owe this distasteful honor? Get whom?"

The vampire spilled what he'd seen, the Slayer helpless to be carried away by a gigantic demon. The Watcher's stomach tied in knots. The Furlon was the perfect demon to take on a Slayer. It was almost impervious to physical attacks. Only magic made the creature weak. They were rare but the last time he read there was one working for a demon he knew of…Gorgolek. The Watcher growled. "Where was he taking her?" he asked softly. Spike shook his head. "Dunno, mate. Hightailed it here as soon as I could to let you know what's going on."

The Watcher wanted to be mad but he really couldn't. The vampire had done something useful, after all. "Thank you, Spike. We'll take it from here." He sounded remarkably more confident than he felt. Whether he liked it or not, he owed a debt to a demon and it was time to come clean. Ethan leaned to put his head in his hands. "What do you plan on doing, Ripper?"

"What do we plan on doing, Ethan." He replied. The other shook his head.

"Surely you must be joking." He replied with a scoff. The brown haired man was not amused.

"Not at all, Ethan. My Slayer comes before you or me."

"So I heard." The other said dryly and then Spike's keen nose caught an underlying whiff of fragrance on the air. Buffy's scent.

"You randy bastard." The vampire growled, unsure whether he was impressed, disgusted, or jealous. "You shagged her!"

It was easy to tell the Watcher was surprised by the sudden announcement but not enough to cover the truth of the words. Instead, he tried to stay cool as he replied to the accusation. "Whatever I do with my Slayer is really no concern of yours, Spike. You want to kill her, don't you remember?"

Ethan looked amused. "He shagged her rotten all morning." He confirmed. The vampire looked less than thrilled.

"But you're old." He protested weakly.

"I hate to point out the obvious but you're older than Ethan and I put together, Spike."

"Yeah, but I never shagged the bloody Slayer. Aren't there rules about this sort of thing?"

This really wasn't what Giles wanted to talk about. All he wanted to do was go rescue Buffy. Instead he seemed to be stuck talking about his indiscretion. "No rules about this. It's unprecedented in the Council, I imagine."

He got up and opened the weapons cabinet, withdrawing weapons where he found them. What size and shape really didn't matter to him so long as they were capable. He extended a sword out to Ethan. The trickster shook his head. "I'm not a hand to hand type of guy. I'm more inclined with magic."

The Watcher growled. "I should like to think I still have enough knowledge in me to conjure up a decent amount of magic myself but I know enough that magic doesn't solve everything so TAKE THE BLOODY SWORD!"

Ethan agreed and took the sword offered to him. Spike held out his hand for a weapon. Giles bristled. "What's this?" he asked. The platinum vampire scoffed, expecting to be taken into battle with the rest of them. He wasn't sure why he cared but his arrogant pride dictated he come along just to kick a little ass. Having the Slayer in debt to him for her freedom wouldn't be such a bad thing to be able to hold over her head as well. He grinned at that thought, all the teasing he could throw at her for it.

"I'm off to save the Slayer."

"You're off to do what?" Giles laughed aloud, unable to hide from the irony of the words. "What's in your head?"

Spike had a momentary hurt look. He growled and shook his head, turning his back on the man and his sword. "Right, bungle up the job if you want to. When the Slayer's dead, don't come crying to me."

Giles didn't want to think of his Slayer as being dead. Past his personal feelings for her, in a large way the idea irked him as a glaring failure, moreso than the others currently staring him in the face. Already he'd grown too attached to her. Already he'd bedded her and in so doing moved well past a father's love for the girl and into infamy among the future generations of Watchers and Slayers. He wondered how they'd view him for that in the years to come. More things he didn't want to think about. As the vampire left the only steel resolve the man found in himself was to save Buffy at all costs. It was then that Rupert Giles realized he was utterly, spectacularly, and amazingly in love with the girl. With this realization in mind the stakes rose much higher than before.

"Let's go, Ethan."

A dull thunk echoed through the apartment and Giles was momentarily confused by the sound before pain nearly blinded him, the brilliant agony starting at the base of his skull. Ethan winced as his friend slumped to the ground and passed into oblivion. He dropped the sword and checked the other's pulse. It was even, indicating stability. He sighed. "Sorry, mate. I can't allow you to get us both killed in exchange for the girl no matter how cute she may be."

Knowing the demon was in Sunnydale meant Ethan knew he needed to be somewhere else before Gorgolek decided to pay attention to him and not Rupert. He felt a *small* pang of guilt as he left and paused at the door, looking over the Watcher's prone body.

"Take care, Ripper. Hope you find her."

Then he disappeared through the door, pulling it shut behind him. This is what Ethan was good at, after all. He was good at selling out others to pay for his mistakes and he knew enough to run when he was in over his head. This was another of those moments.

Buffy struggled to free herself from a cage wrought from metal and rock suffused. Gorgolek looked after her, amused by her frustrated grunts and useless efforts. When the cage managed to give way a quarter of an inch he even applauded politely, sure it would give no more than that. The blond watched him from where she was and frowned. She still wasn't sure what was going on here but she was much too grossed out to want to find out. This was the first time she'd ever been completely outclassed in strength. She shuddered at the thought as the Furlon stepped forward.

It bent down and deposited something onto the ground near the cage. Something green wriggled on the floor nearby, working its way toward her. She dodged its first attempt to get to her. She even managed to dodge the second attempt and moved to lash out at it before a strong hand clamped over her leg. Held in place she could only watch in horror as the wriggling thing crawled up her shoe and attached onto the skin just above her ankle. There was a sting as it bit into her skin and then Buffy felt very tired. She struggled to stay upright for as long as she could but it was doing something she couldn't ignore. With a small sound she slumped to the floor in near the same pose as her Watcher across town.

Her eyelids fluttered lying on the cold stone floor of the cave. She saw the brown demon looking at her with a smirk as it ran a hand down its cheek. She knew she was fading into sleep quickly. Her body felt increasingly lethargic and unable to move. She tried to reach down and take whatever it was off of her ankle but found she didn't have the strength to move very far for very long. It was in her heart to panic but she simply felt to tired to put in the effort. It was time to rely on faith.

"Giles." She whimpered just before the darkness consumed her.


	9. Faith's Resolve

"The world is off kilter."

Those were the first words Rupert Giles thought to himself as his eyes cracked open after who knew how long of being passed out on the floor. His limbs were stiff from poor circulation and the hard flooring. A knot was fully formed on the back of his skull and it blazed with painful heat. He touched ginger fingers to it only to wince and wish he hadn't. Then he remembered: Ethan.

"Bloody ponce, wanker, shagging son of a bitch." He cursed, rolling over to shove himself up on his arms. Moving his knees underneath himself, he finally managed to sit up much to his body's protestations. The world spun underneath him and he almost fell back over. Instead he pressed one hand to the floor for balance and the other to his head. He wanted a scotch and about half a bottle of aspirin. Neither were particularly healthy options at the pressing moment. Buffy was out there and waiting for him, now with more hours between them than before. He reached for the sword where it dropped and took it in hand, using it to prop him up as he rose shakily to his feet.

The world swayed again, dangerously, and he closed his eyes to try and steady himself. It didn't help much. He went into the downstairs bathroom and threw back three aspirin for good measure with a tall glass of water. His body shuddered but after a few minutes he could stand upright. Emerging into his empty house he determined it was time to notify the Scoobies and involve them in his plan.

Xander was the first to arrive. Willow came along soon after. They both looked at the Watcher with an ice pack on the back of his head and tried not to show how worried they were. Xander piped up. "When's the Buffster gonna get here, G Man?"

Giles shuddered and decided not to take issue with being addressed so…appallingly. Instead he looked at them both rather seriously. "Buffy's been taken by a demon. By the demon Gorgolek, unless I miss my guess. He sent a Furlon demon after her."

Willow's eyes lit up as recognition sparked. "Those are the really strong ones that don't respond to normal attacks or weapons, right?" She couldn't hide the pleasure in her voice for remembering something so obscure. Xander looked at his friend and sighed, shaking his head.

"What part of the super strong no weapons demon is yay for you, Will?" he asked, deadpanning. The redhead sat back, blushing.

"At least I knew what it was." She responded, pouting. Giles tried to smile.

"Yes, bravo, Willow. They are an exceedingly rare breed of demon. No more than one hundred of them exist in the world right now, I should think. Thankfully they're singular creatures and are not often found banding with others of their own kind."

"So Buffy's stuck with Gorgolek and this Furlon demon? She can't even hurt the Furlon, can she?"

"Oh, I'd say it's possible for her to hurt it…just not very likely. It takes magical attacks. Gorgolek is who worries me most. He has a contract of my blood and is likely using her to lure me in."

"So what's the plan?" Xander asked as Willow overlapped with her response. "When are we going in?" The Watcher shook his head.

"I'd like to involve you both as little as possible. Willow, all I need from you is to cast a spell so I can find where Buffy is at. Xander, I'll need to borrow your truck. If she's hurt, I'll need a way to get her out of there as quickly as possible. I may not be able to carry her very far."

The two looked at each other. "Well, sure Giles. Take my truck. It's no big deal." Willow looked less accommodating. Her hands wrung together as she looked nervously at him.

"You keep telling me I shouldn't do magic. You keep telling me it's dangerous." The older man nodded solemnly.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think you could do it. I'd perform the magic myself but I think I'll need all the strength I can muster. I have an amazing amount of faith in you, Willow."

The statement was both true and false. Yes, he thought he'd need strength to beat Gorgolek. And cunning. And a hell of a lot of luck. But the other large hindrance in his mind was the trace of his magic tied to the demon. While he didn't need to tap into the power the demon had given him to do such a simple spell, he knew that all magic was connected and pulling at one thread of it meant pulling at them all. Even the slightest tug from him could alert the demon to his coming and spoil any advantage surprise had left to offer him. Not that he thought much of that surprise advantage right now, but it was the only real advantage he had at this point.

"The magical components are in the cabinet." He gestured to a wooden standing chest in the corner, opposite the weapons closet. The redhead went over to it, pulling out the things she'd need.

"I know." She responded, pulling a vial from the shelf to a nearby table.

"You know?" he was confused.

"Well," she blushed, "I may have borrowed a few components from time to time." Her eyes widened and she stood up quickly, putting her hands out in front of her. "Nothing dangerous, I promise. Just little stuff."

Another mental reminder went through to speak to Willow later about her use of new magics. He wanted to encourage the witch but he was worried about the fast rate at which she was progressing. The fatherly instinct in him turned itself on this concern and he couldn't ignore it. Giving her a "we'll talk" look that she caught and blushed at, he watched her prepare the spell. Xander offered him the keys and then shoved his hands in his pockets.

"I'm sure you'll bring her back safe and all but what happens if you don't?"

The Watcher didn't want them interfering if he failed to negotiate Buffy's release. He was fairly confident he could, but not enough to be certain. "No more than a day or two, I should think. If I'm not back by then, wire the Council. Let them know what's happened and see if they can offer help." He leveled his eyes at both young adults. "Do not, under any circumstances, do anything you know I'd be against."

"But if we never did anything we knew you'd be against," Xander joked, ever the optimist, "we'd all be stuck in a library wearing tweed like you. Personally, I think tweed is itchy."

Willow started laughing in spite of the tension in the room, or perhaps because of it. Even Giles cracked a smile. Then she started with her spell and Giles went to gather weapons. He strapped himself down with every holster he could find and fitted all manner of weapons into them. Once the spell was cast, a light would guide him to wherever Buffy was. Sure enough, a small ball of blue light danced and flickered before his eyes before moving toward its target. The light stayed close to Giles, guiding him without ever getting too far away. He smiled. In the truck it didn't take long to get across town. He parked at the light drifted into a patch of woods some distance from the cemetery.

Getting out he prowled quietly now. He kept his ear open for anything about but heard nothing. Apparently the myth of Gorgolek the demon was enough to keep others out of his immediate area. Giles leaned against a nearby tree and remembered the night he first summoned the demon with his friends. Of them all, only he and Ethan had been bold enough to take the deal. It had been a complicated ritual, which the others helped with eagerly enough but when the demon appeared with his contract everyone lost their nerve. Only he kept through with the promise, with all the swaggering stupidity of an overzealous teenager. Ethan had followed just to keep up, to say he had. Now Ethan was gone and he alone was left to clear up the mess or die trying.

Rupert saw the light dance in front of a mound of rock before blinking out of existence. He ducked down, crouching in front of what appeared to be a large outcropping of rock. He was amazed to discover, on further investigation, that what appeared to be a solid front face had a gap in it, covered by an overlay in the front. From a distance the structure looked solid. It was only when you got closer that you could see the opening in front, channeling into a tunnel further on. With the coloring, the gap was hard to see.

He pressed himself through, keeping his weapons from making any noise. The rocky corridor was long and narrow, winding into the heart of the outcropping and then down into the ground. When the ceiling widened out to dome up into a cavern Giles stopped, ducking behind a large rock to hide himself. He looked around the room and saw nothing useful. The cavern echoed with water and the only light flickered from torches scattered here and there. There was no sign of Buffy anywhere, nor of Gorgolek and his enforcer.

"Son of Chaos!" a voice boomed into the room. "I have been waiting for you to come! Enter that I might look on my child once again!"

So much for no sign of the occupant. With a sigh and some resolve, he brought himself into the light and let the echoes from the greeting guide him toward where the demon sat. As he approached he let his words echo through the cavern. "I think it only fair to tell you that the child devotee you knew no longer exists. He grew up a long time ago."

"Nonsense! Once a Son of Chaos, always part of the fold. You give yourself too little credit!"

Coming into view Gorgolek looked intimidating on his throne. To his right stood the enforcer and chained at his feet...Buffy. His heart tore in his chest and he had to force back the incredible urge to rush to her. Instead he steeled his gaze and threw it at her captor.

"You've called. I come. Let her go."

"I can not do that, Rupert Giles."

"Why not? She has nothing to do with this!" he demanded.

Buffy didn't look at all well. She was pale and appeared to be unconscious. There was a metal collar around her neck and green ooze dried over her clothes. She lay listless over the step the throne rested on, unmoving so long as the chain remained still. Gorgolek followed his gaze and tugged on the chain bringing the Slayer up by her neck. He placed her head on his knee and Rupert felt his blood boil. The brown demon chuckled low in his chest.

"Son of Chaos, I assume you come to pay your debt."

"Yes! My bloody debt and that doesn't include her!"

"Is it not your child she carries within her?"

Giles blinked. Buffy, pregnant? They'd only had sex a scant few hours ago...half a day at the most. Even with modern medical technology's ability to sense such things there'd be no way to prove anything for two weeks at least. And getting pregnant? Even in ideal circumstances the process took hours to happen. He was a man of many knowledges but medical science was not his area of expertise. Besides, even if he wanted it to be true there was one thing stopping him from accepting the idea completely.

"Impossible for me to have fathered a child with her." he began.

"Are you trying to tell me what I know, Rupert Giles?" the demon demanded in an angry voice. "I know this to be true!"

The Watcher panicked, not knowing how to counter what the demon considered to be his irrefutable proof. He stumbled over his words, trying to continue his explanation from before. He wanted the demon to understand why it couldn't be him. And he even prayed the demon was baiting him, drawing him into a trap with lies.

"It's quite impossible for me to father any sort of a child. It's another sacrifice my former self made in exchange for power. The human body was not meant to handle so much unnatural energy inside of it. I was told quite a long time ago that the chances of my ever fathering a child were less than four percent in ideal circumstances. And as you and I both know, circumstances are never ideal."

To be honest, by all accounts Gorgolek was a reasonable demon. He dealt with humans and demons alike and stuck to the contract, no more or less. He gave what he offered and collected what was his due without demanding more or reneging on his pledge. He hoped he could talk sense to the demon rather than risking Buffy's life. He had no idea how they managed to keep her do docile for all the time they had her. A sense of urgency gnawed at his gut, demanding action. He continued in his logic, hoping that helped his cause.

"Even if she were pregnant, it's still not part of our agreement."

The demon swept to standing and Buffy fell to the floor with a loud thump of her body and the rattling metallic clink of her chains. The man winced as the brown demon did his best to look as fearsome as he could be.

"YOU PRESUME TO TELL ME MY AGREEMENT?"

Giles did the only thing he could think to do. He bowed. "Of course not. I'm only a man and confused by all of this."

The demon softened and even chuckled as he sat back down in his throne. He left the blond at his feet. Changing the subject completely he stated. "We were expecting you earlier, Son of Chaos. You should not have taken so long. The parasite has made her weak. A few more minutes and her life will be gone completely." Gorgolek shook his head sadly. "Such a beautiful example of mortality, too."

"What parasite?" Giles wondered aloud. The demon motioned to her body and he saw the wriggling green creature attached to her. Then he remembered. Part of the Furlon demon's lifespan was a larval stage. Much like a leech, the larvae lives on the host parent until it could be transferred to another host. Instead of taking blood or vital fluids the young Furlon funneled a host's energy into itself. Once depleted the Furlon larvae attaches back to the parent host to cycle the energy back. Nasty creatures, that. And by the looks of things what Gorgolek said of Buffy was true.

"Take my life and let her go!" he demanded, almost a plea. The brown demon shook his head.

"The child of Rupert Giles is payment enough to fulfill our contract. I like you, Son of Chaos. You did much in my name and I was pleased. I have no desire to see harm come to you."

"But you'll kill Buffy!" he protested. The idea of there being a child, let alone his was still absurd in his mind but he couldn't risk it just in case.

"The sacrifice of the Slayer in fulfillment of the contract is acceptable. Two birds with one stone if you will. Do not worry, Rupert Giles. I will let you have the body when the life is drained from it."

"YOU CAN'T DO THIS!" he protested, shouting at the top of his voice, desperate to save the woman he loved. "I love her, damn-it! I am not the same arrogant little prick that prostrated himself in your presence and pledged his future to you. I never thought I'd have a future. You cannot take her from me! I'll do anything to prevent this. Take the power back if you must only let her go!"

The demon held off a while, unspeaking, thinking of the choice at hand. "You wish to return the power given to you as a Son of Chaos?" he asked quietly as if the idea was completely foreign to him.

The Watcher was desperate. "Yes! Yes! Good Lord, take it!"

"Are you sure, Rupert Giles? Once done, this cannot be undone without a new contract."

He dared a glance at Buffy who looked almost as white as a ghost and gulped hard. "Just bloody take it!" he demanded. The demon nodded sadly, leaving his throne to place a hand on the Watcher's chest. Rupert felt the energy gathering beneath that hand, coming from every outer reach of his body. Then all at once the demon pulled, sucking the power back into his own body. Giles screamed, imagining he was dying as the power was sucked from his body. He never realized it in all the years he tucked it away in repressed uselessness. He never understood that the power, while not actively used, had become a part of him and made him stronger than most would imagine. Now that it was leaving he felt his body returning to normal and felt like he was dying. The force of it felt like hundreds of tiny knives burrowing through his chest. He felt it all and screamed in pain, helpless to do much else.

When the pain ended he collapsed to the ground with his hand on his chest, breathing hard. He almost choked on his own rising panic as Gorgolek failed to undo whatever curse had befallen Buffy. Closing his eyes to try and regain his focus, he protested. "Now take whatever it is you've done off of Buffy! You promised. In exchange for the power."

"I promised no such thing, Rupert Giles. You said you wished to return the power and I took it. I offered nothing in return."

"LET HER GO!" he demanded. "I came willingly and I will give up my life if that's what it takes to ensure you take my future but I will not suffer to see her killed. I will do ANYTHING, do you hear me?"

The brown demon snapped his fingers and the Furlon knelt by Buffy's side. With his stomach churning Giles saw the disgusting larvae join onto its parent. Gorgolek held the chain out to his protege. "She is yours to take, Son of Chaos, for a price."

He'd started to step forward before he heard the last part. He stopped. "What's the price this time, Gorgolek?" he asked, trying to sound casual. He knew he'd give up anything for her, including his own life. "I suppose you want my life in exchange for hers."

"I wasn't lying when I said I had no desire to see you suffer, my child. There may be another way."

"What way?" he asked softly, keeping his eyes trained on his beloved. The demon took a moment before responding.

"There is a gem. The Diamond of Braxas. Are you familiar with it?"

The librarian scoured his knowledge of arcane gems and jewels and came up empty. He shook his head. The demon smiled. "The Diamond of Braxas is called the Hope Diamond to you humans. It is part of a traveling jewel collection that happens to be at your Sunnydale Museum for the next few days. When in the possession of one who carries magic enough to power it, it renders the holder invincible. Get your Slayer to help you bring me that gem and I will consider your debts paid in full, Rupert Giles."

"That's a lot to ask." the Watcher said slowly. The demon handed Giles her chain. "I will give you twenty four hours to decide on what you shall do. At the end of that time I shall expect you to get me my diamond or I shall expect you or your pet Slayer to forfeit your lives to your contract. Am I understood?"

Giles took the chain without knowing how to respond. He did the only thing he could and nodded. "I understand."

The Furlon demon approached them both and grabbed them. First it took the larva back into itself and then reached for Giles. Lifting them to the high door to the stone and steel cage, he dropped them both in, uncaring or perhaps unaware of the injuries that might cause them. Buffy cried out in pain as she fell against the hard floor. Her eyes were open but she didn't move. Much to her Watcher's relief some color started to filter back into her body. It was hard to tell but he studied her enough that he noticed the change. He scooped her into his arms, ignoring his own minor injuries to do so. The back of his head ached and his chest still felt the sting of the robbed magic. He knew he had other sources, just as dark as the lost one, to draw from but the thought didn't make him feel any better.

He waited the entire agonizing time it took for her to fully come around again. The first thing she saw was his worried face hovering quite close to hers and then she felt his strong arms wrapped around her. Then she realized they seemed to be alone in the cavern. She tried sitting up but still felt too weak. "What happened?" she asked, dazed. "Where'd they go?" Her voice was broken from hours of disuse.

"They seem to have retreated to give us time to talk about what they've proposed."

"What did that green giant do to me?" she asked, reaching down to feel her ankle. Convinced by touch that the parasite was gone, she sighed in relief.

"You don't want to know, Buffy, trust me." He assured.

"So what proposal are we talking about?"

She managed to look at him and smiled weakly. He shook his head at her. "It's unimportant. Get your strength back first."

Sleep sounded like a good idea to her. Despite her initial fear she felt more comfortable in his arms and eventually she let the exhaustion of body and mind dictate her behavior. She slept and hours slid away in his arms. Giles watched her mostly, hesitant to sleep himself. He dozed here and there and jerked awake every time she let out a sigh too heavy. Once she woke for good the color had returned to her cheeks and she looked a great deal healthier. He, on the other hand, could no longer feel his legs. Wincing, he felt her get up and tried to move his lower extremities. Cursing the hard floor beneath him, the pins and needles sensation began to circulate through him and he grit his teeth. The blond watched him with some interest.

"Seems to me like you have some explaining to do, Giles."

"How much do you remember?"

"That green thing attaching to my leg and then waking up looking at you."

"Nothing in between?" he didn't want to startle her with the pregnancy that may or may not exist.

"Nope, blank. Bastard."

"Indeed. Well, short or long version?"

"Whichever gets us to the point."

"Right then." And the entire story spilled forth minus a few pertinent details. He explained all about the possible new deal and the time limit and the consequences if they failed to reach a decision. Over time the feeling returned to his legs and he stood, testing them as he talked. She paced across the cage from him, absorbing the dilemma. The Slayer didn't look too happy. Her Watcher stayed somewhat resolved.

"I can't allow this demon to become invincible. He seems like a stalwart fellow so far as I know but if he knows he cannot be killed, that may change rather quickly. I know his knack for devastation. I handled it myself while his power was inside of me. I made use of it in my youth. I cannot allow it to go unchecked." He paused. "It was my mistake in youth, I should pay for it. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened to you, Buffy. After our time together, yesterday…" he trailed off. She looked at him with cold blue eyes.

"We had sex, Giles. It didn't mean anything. Not enough to throw everything away on."

"Buffy, how can you say it meant nothing to you when it bloody well meant a great deal to me?"

There had to be another way to make it work but in his haze of whatever it was clouding his judgment, he didn't see that. She was resolved to save him from succumbing to soft feelings over sensibility and that meant hurting him. She was determined not to see him sacrifice himself over such a stupid cause. Buffy, heartbroken and just feet from him, closed her eyes. "Giles…" she pleaded.

"Stop it!" he burst out while crossing the distance between them. He yanked her into his arms and held her tightly, burying his face into her sweet smelling blond hair. "You daft, headstrong, and singularly vexing girl." He spoke to her softly, unmistakable affection in his tone. While he spoke he smoothed a hand over her hair, breathing her in. "Don't you see how dear you've become to me? How dear you've always been to me? To the point of distraction I let you creep into my veins and now I couldn't get you out if I wanted to. I love you, Buffy. I'm in love with you; Council damn me if they must. I wouldn't have it any other way!"

All at once she knew she loved him and burst into tears, clinging to him as if letting go would cost her her life. Given the situation, she might be losing it soon anyway and for the time being, she didn't care. Everything she'd been missing and all of the things she'd been afraid of she found in him. No restrictions, no shame, and no hesitation. He was everything to her; he always had been even when she tumbled through the other relationships of her life. How she'd never seen him in her heart, she couldn't understand.

He let her cry, tempted to give into tears himself. His remarkable Slayer, the beautiful, passionate, strong willed Slayer, loved him. "Oh, Buffy!" he whispered in joy, feeling closer to the woman in his arms than he ever had to another. She looked up at him, blue eyes brimming with tears and sweet innocence. It made him more determined than ever not to lose her. "I won't lose you. I can't. If I have to sell my soul to ensure it, I will. Let the bastard have his bloody diamond."


	10. Sin Revealed

Gorgolek brought them in front of him a few hours later. They had been whispering all that time, heads together and hands together. He had no idea what they were thinking but he knew it couldn't be about how to use the gem against him. Without the extra power of his might, his former Son of Chaos would no longer have the strength to wield enough magic to power the diamond's ability. That thought brought him joy. The Slayer glared defiantly at him and he smiled at her, a long row of jagged teeth flashing.

"What say you and your pet, Rupert Giles?"

"I'm not his pet!" the blond spat out before she was silenced by the man at her side.

"We'll get you your diamond."

The demon smiled. "Splendid! I almost regret that you are no longer my child! You always seem to do what is necessary to please me! I trust this is the will of the Slayer as well?"

Against her own defiance Buffy nodded. It wasn't worth it now to risk their lives. "I'll help get you your rock and then I never want to see you in my Hellmouth again."

The brown demon roared with laughter watching the human half his size speak to him in such a way. Giles grabbed her hand and she stepped back. His eyes never left Gorgolek's face. His body was tense as an animal getting ready to fight or flee. Once the laughter finished echoing through the chamber to diminish into silence the demon continued. "You have until sunrise tomorrow to bring the gem to me here."

They had no idea how long that gave them to act. Giles cycled through plan after plan in his quick mind, trying to assess time and likelihood. The sacrifice of efficiency raised the likelihood of being caught. He didn't like that risk factor. Trading one prison for another wasn't high up on his list of priorities.

"Two days," He countered, "which is still too short a time to plan properly. Give us until sunrise next to get the diamond."

Gorgolek's eyes narrowed. "Ah, child, what will you give me to ensure your return? This extra time you ask for could allow you escape, though it is not wise to run from me."

"I have no intention of running."

"I believe you, Rupert Giles, but I have heard those words before from other men. It is an easy promise to break."

"What do you want?" he demanded. "Cut to the bloody chase."

"A new contract. This one would forfeit you both if either of you fails or tries to run."

"Not for the wide world, demon." He responded flatly. "She's not part of this."

"Then you have until the next sunrise to bring me the diamond and your time passes as we sit here speaking."

Buffy nudged her Watcher, looking at him crossly. She leaned up and hissed in his ear. "I am not a child. We need time to plan. If we want to pull this off and make you free for good…we need time!"

He grabbed her hand and pulled her out of the cave much to her dismay. Once they broke free into the morning air she gasped, welcoming in fresh air after so long being confined to the damp cave. She bent at the waist and heaved in gulping breaths. He smoothed a hand up and down her back, soothing her in her troubles. When her breathing slowed he directed her to where Xander's truck awaited them. He was thankful now for the foresight to ask for it, though he didn't remember now why he didn't take his own car. Shrugging, he decided that it didn't matter for now.

They drove in silence and it wasn't until they got into his front door that he finally spoke to her. "Are we clear about the plan?"

"What you're planning on is dangerous, Giles. Even with Willow's help there's so much potential to go wrong!"

"It's the only way, darling. I can't have this held over our heads in the years to come."

She blinked at use of the pet name. It had just slipped from his mouth without a conscious effort to use it. He was thinking of what he truly meant to say but wouldn't allow. He meant to say he couldn't allow the demon to live if indeed a child happened to be growing inside the Slayer that happened to be his. It was his one and only chance to be a father, after all. Despite knowing how many problems they'd be facing if it was true and if she chose to go through with it, he couldn't suppress the pang of hope that started to blossom in his heart. Discovering the lover of his heart and having a child he didn't think himself capable of creating all in the same day was like a miracle. It wasn't a gift horse he intended to look in the mouth.

Buffy went into a shower and stayed a long while, body warming under the steaming water. It was hard to digest everything she'd gone through in the last twenty four hours. Thirty sex, really. From making love to Giles, to being captive of a demon and now she had to prepare to steal a diamond from a museum. This was not shaping up to be a good week. They called the others and they rushed over, both friends relieved to have their family returned to them. After the round of hugging that even the Watcher participated in, they all settled down to work.

Giles briefly outlined the situation leaving out the same details he had for Buffy. No one spoke until they were sure he'd finished. Willow piped up after a few moment's thought. "Not that I'm trying to be a downer here cause, you know, I'm trying to be with the peppy but is making this demon invincible the best idea?"

Buffy shook her head as Giles started his explanation. "You see, Willow, we don't actually intend to make Gorgolek invincible. I think I have enough use of magic to be able to activate the gem myself. Gorgolek, I think, has underestimated me. When he took back his own power, he must have assumed I could no longer use it against him. I think I'm still in tune enough with my other magics to be able to power the ability."

Xander let out a sigh and slapped on a relieved grin. "All right, Giles!"

Giles turned to the boy and shook his head. "It's not so simple, Xander." He began, "I can power the gem with my magics but who knows how long I can sustain the effect? Magic's effect on the human body is very definite. It's like a drug. The longer you use it, the more you want to. The more you use it, the weaker your body becomes. To power something like this will take a great deal of strength. I don't know if it will be long enough to destroy the demon. I might have twenty minutes? Perhaps a little more if I'm lucky."

"What happens after twenty minutes?" Willow asked tentatively.

"After twenty minutes, Willow, I'll be dead. Or so weakened that I'll fast be on my way there."

"Oh."

No one spoke for a while. Buffy looked at the clock and watched the numbers flip down to pronounce that another minute had passed. It was now 11:20 in the morning and they still hadn't really gotten to the plan for the museum. A simple smash and grab like she'd pulled with Faith didn't seem like a good idea. It wasn't Fort Knox by any means. This was Sunnydale, after all, but she couldn't expect for there to be no security whatsoever around the diamond. It was part of a world famous collection.

"We need to start planning for tonight. And then for sunrise. I'm sorry but I think we'll be pulling an all nighter."

Xander sighed. They'd all been here, done this before. At least now they didn't have to round robin just to get in research time. With all of them more or less independent, saving the world meant less lying to mom. He was the first to look at the Slayer and shrug. "Always here for you, Buff. What can I do?"

She smiled. "Thank you Xander. It looks like we're robbing a museum and then trying to kill a demon and its very strong lackey. I'm sure everyone will have something to do."

"I think I have a plan." Giles explained, patiently. After all, this wasn't the first time they'd broken into the museum. The only tricky part would be negating the security measures around the diamond itself. From the photographs he'd seen it was such a small gem. Large for a diamond, of course, but small in the grand scheme of things. The British man considered it strange he'd never known the diamond had significant arcane power before.

"Willow, I hate to ask but I'm going to have to ask you to get on your computer and see if you can gain access to the security mainframe of the museum. If you can loop the security footage from the night before and cut the rest of the measures, it should help considerably."

The redhead nodded and reached for her laptop. She'd brought it along since she skipped her classes for the morning but now she was glad she had it. She set the machine on the coffee table and started to work while the other three talked. Giles intended for only Buffy and he to go into the building though he didn't know what he'd do except watch the girl's back. "Xander, we'll need you to drive."

Xander blinked. "That's it? I don't get to play Mission Impossible?" he seemed equal parts disappointed and thankful. The older man shook his head.

"I'll not risk you lot any more than I have to." Buffy got up and paced, looking tense. This was taking too long. He cleared his throat and went into the kitchen. "Would you come speak to me, Buffy?" he asked softly. Once again they were hidden in the nook between his fridge and the walled pantry. The living room lay beyond but they were quite secure and out of sight. Giles sighed softly and took her into his arms, kissing her deeply before he could tell himself this wasn't the right time for such things. She returned the kiss eagerly enough, wrapping her arms around his neck. The Watcher finally pulled away when he was panting for breath.

"You seem tense." He whispered to her tenderly, a master of the obvious. She shrugged.

"Wouldn't you be?"

"Yes, I imagine I am, too. I'm sorry, Buffy."

She shrugged again. "It's not your fault. Not really. I just…something inside of me is saying there's something really wrong here. Something I don't know."

Giles blanched and thought of the child she might have inside of her. Instead of confessing like he wanted to, he gathered her face in his hands and kissed her lovingly. "I love you, Buffy Summers. I'll spare you any pain in the world if I can still draw breath."

She smiled at him sadly, raising her blue eyes to meet his. "I don't intend to lose you tonight."

Giles was only too aware she had yet to say the words "I love you" out loud to him. While he had no doubt that it was how she felt he wanted to hear her say it. He'd imagined the words ringing in his ears long enough but he didn't have the heart to press her, not right now. Instead he let her go and took a step back. He straightened his shirt and fixed his green eyes on her face. It looked ragged with fatigue and worry. He didn't like seeing her looking so much older than her scant eighteen years should have made her but she was the Slayer and such worries were hers to take on. It was her place. He sighed.

"I suppose we should get back and start planning for if this museum robbery goes according to plan." She didn't disagree.

They both walked back into the living room and Buffy nodded in Willow's direction. "How's it going, Will?" she asked softly. The redhead bit her lower lip and studied the screen. That was never a good sign to anyone.

"They have some surprisingly complex walls to get through." She admitted. "I'm really having to work hard to get through them. At this rate I'll be in in a couple of hours."

"We can't wait, Willow. We need to be in as of yesterday."

"Not helping, Buff." Xander broke in, putting his hand on the Slayer's shoulder and trying to draw her back to the couch.

"I know." She confessed in a strained voice. "I'm just nervous."

"No one's blaming you there." Xander replied, wrapping his arms around her. "We've been through worse, remember?"

"Remind me."

"Well, hey, I almost got mated with with the added bonus of getting my head bitten off by a mantis in hot teacher disguise. And then there was the time I almost got the life sucked out of me by an ancient teenage mummy, who was also hot. And then the hyena thing. I'm still not ok with pork after they found the mascot bits. Oh, and there was the time I…"

She smiled and moved to hush him. It was enough to calm her nerves for the time being. She looked up at her best friend and hugged him, pressing her cheek to his. "You're amazing, Xander. Thank you. I love you."

Giles heard that and sniffed defiantly, slightly annoyed with self pity. Sure, tell Xander she loved him but the man who was trying desperately to save her life while risking his own? While the Watcher wasn't prone to irrational bouts of jealousy, he couldn't stop the emotion from surfacing now, just a bit. He cleared his throat. "We need to talk about what we're going to do once we have the jewel and we have to take it back to Gorgolek."

Xander and Buffy stepped away from one another. He piped up in his best brave voice. "I'll do anything I can."

Giles cleared his throat, still more than a little under the influence of his sudden influx of jealousy. "Xander, when he need someone to hide we'll let you know. I hardly think a serious fight is somewhere for you to be."

Buffy looked at Giles sharply when Xander's face fell. Everyone knew he wasn't the best fighter among them, or even special in the way a Slayer, witch, Watcher and werewolf were. But they all danced around the knowledge for his ego's sake. After all, he was the one that provided the heart of the operation. "Xander, I'm sure he meant to say that we can't lose you." Buffy said reassuringly all the while giving her mentor a "what the hell" look. The Watcher felt sufficiently reprimanded.

"Xander, what I mean to say is that we need someone out of battle. If we get hurt we'll need someone healthy to help get us to the hospital."

They all began to discuss the plan as Willow typed away on her keyboard. If she couldn't get through now there might never be any hope at all of getting the diamond. The redhead buckled down and tried that much harder, making a small sound of joy when she made progress. They all waited tensely as time ticked away. The plan couldn't start until it was dark anyway and at this time of year, in Southern California, that meant around ten thirty. Giles came up behind his Slayer and nudged her gently.

"Why don't you go upstairs and have a lie down, Buffy. You have a long night ahead of you."

"I couldn't possibly. Not right now with….everything."

"No, it's a good idea, Buffy." Willow added in. "Someone should be rested tonight and I think it'll help if it's the Slayer."

Buffy reluctantly shrugged and resigned herself to trying. Giles led her to his bedroom though he knew she didn't need to be shown the way. He paused at the doorway as she walked inside, unsure if he should follow. She lay on his bed which was still unmade and smelled lightly of their lingering passion. She curled up on it and looked at him in the doorway, shafts of sunlight filtering in through the window between them. She reached a hand out to him, her face innocent and wanting. He crossed the room and took it, looking down at her.

"God, Buffy, you're beautiful." He murmured, brushing his other hand down her cheek. She closed her eyes and blushed.

"Hold me a while?"

He padded around to the other side of the bed and held her tightly, pressing his body to support hers from behind. They spooned together with his arm around her shoulders. He didn't say anything and neither did she. For long minutes they stayed like this until he noticed she'd gone to sleep. Once he made sure she'd stay that way a while he got up as quietly as he could from the bed and padded across the carpeted floor. He turned the knob and closed the door behind him before making his way back to the others. Xander's eyes watched him the whole way down.

"We gonna talk about this, G-man?"

"Talk about what?" the Watcher replied, confused. "And don't call me that."

Xander shook his head.

"Are we gonna talk about you and Buffy?"

"What about Buffy and I?"

"You're in love with her."

Giles stopped in his tracks. Even the constant clacking of the keyboard keys on Willow's laptop ceased as the girl stared in horror at her best friend. The older man felt trapped, wanted to deny everything but couldn't find the words. Xander wasn't the strongest among them, or the fastest, or even the bravest. He was, however, the one among them that had nothing better to do but observe those he held closest. Apparently they were not careful enough to avoid detection. He cleared his throat as both of them looked at the elder expectantly.

"I, ah, well…" he started and then faltered, not quite finding the words.

Willow looked dismayed. "Giles?" she questioned softly in her "I don't really want to believe this" voice.

Giles came to sit in the chair and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose from habit. "Yes, I love her." He admitted at long last far more quietly than he would have thought possible. "And she loves me." He added a little more loudly than the first statement had been.

"Excuse me when I say this but ummm….weird?" Neither teenager could hide their shock.

"It's been a recent development to say the least." Giles continued not the least bit put off by Xander's statement. "We weren't expecting this to happen."

"But you're Giles." Willow eeked out piteously. "You're not supposed to…"

"Supposed to what, Willow? Fall in love? I didn't hear objections when it was Mrs. Calendar's affections I pursued."

"Yeah, but she was old." Xander butted in before stopping himself. "or, you know, older."

Willow pursed her lips. "That's not what I meant. It's just that it's Buffy and you're you and…" she trailed off.

"No, go ahead and say it, Willow. I went into this knowing there would be objections. I might as well hear them from the two people closest to us both."

"How does that work, exactly?" she responded weakly. "She's a full twenty years younger than you or more." The older man didn't want to open his mouth and admit it was the more part of that sentence. Luckily, or perhaps unluckily, the redhead continued. "How does that work when you get in trouble?"

"The same as when you are, I imagine." He responded evenly, trying to feel the way he spoke but truth to tell, she was right. Even if she weren't a Slayer her body healed much more quickly and efficiently than his. Even with his magic to help him not be useless, any injury severe could pull him out of the fight altogether or risk being a liability.

Xander frowned. Willow joined him. Giles sighed. "There's nothing official between us, anyway. I trust Buffy to follow her duty. If we don't manage to get this gem one of us will be dead and I'll wager that to be myself."

It was enough to get them back to work, none of them knowing how to really deal with the changes just yet. Hours passed as time drained away. Giles gave a worried look outside the window where the sun was setting. All of a sudden Willow squealed. "I'm in!" she declared in triumph. "I can control everything from here provided I keep a connection. Security's no longer and issue."

Giles gave her a grateful look. "So, let's go over the plan."

Without any of them hearing her approach, Buffy climbed down the stairs toward them, looking rested. Giles cleared his throat, pleading the other two with his eyes not to mention anything they'd discussed earlier. Thankfully, neither of them seemed eager to go against that. Willow looked up at all three of them on the couch from her position on the floor in front of her laptop.

"Xander takes you guys downtown. At 9 o'clock exactly you'll pull up to the museum. I'll loop the security tape for 1 hour. You'll have to be in at exactly 9 and out before 10."

Giles spoke up. "Buffy, the diamond is in the west wing of the museum on the ground floor. The front entrance gives us the least amount of cover but it's the closest to the target."

"I've got a truck." Xander piped in, trying to be useful and instead the other three looked at him, dumbfounded out of speech for a few minutes. The boy sighed. "Nevermind." Giles continued.

"Willow can't disable the security around the diamond but we know it's got high density beams around it to trip the silent alarm, not to mention the glass casing and the security guards roaming. I estimate we'll have between ten to fifteen minutes between rounds. It is imperative that we use the time wisely."

The blond listened to all of the instructions and nodded. "Piece of cake. Tech me out, Will. How do we find these laser beams?"

Giles spoke up instead of Willow. "I believe my magic can detect them, possibly even reflect them for a very short time."

"Right." She responded, looking resolute. "Let's rob a museum."


	11. Keeping Faith Alive

9 o'clock, just in time. The darkness fully settled into the city, cloaking the ordinary truck with a sort of mystery. Xander in the driver's seat. Buffy in the middle. And Giles on the other side. None of them spoke. Buffy's blue eyes focused on the clock, running through all of the information in her head for the millionth time. She never considered before that something this bad like stealing the Hope diamond would bring about something good, like saving Giles' life. It was too confusing.

They pulled up in front of the building just as Giles' watch ticked to 9. "Showtime." Xander whispered, stopping the car. Buffy nodded. She'd changed sometime before they left into something less ooze covered and darker in color. Even Giles had opted for something stealthier and less Giles like. She was impressed. They got out of the truck while Xander idled. Buffy turned back to him.

"Take off for now. Be back at fifteen til ten. If we're not out again by 9:55, just go."

Xander reached out and grabbed her hand. "Good luck, Buff." He turned his attention to Giles, determined to be good in the face of his confusion. "You too, Giles."

The pair headed up the stone steps quickly, keeping to the side. They met in the middle of the large glass doors. They were locked, of course. Giles knelt and took out a small kit of tools and began attempting to pick the lock. After a minute Buffy sighed and pushed him out of the way. She punched the lock and it fell harmlessly out on the other side. She reached into the hole left behind and triggered a mechanism inside. The door unlocked as Giles shuddered.

"Do you have any idea how much noise that made?"

She looked mildly chastised before she shrugged. "Took all of a minute. Besides, we couldn't wait on your lockpicking skills to save us."

He sniffed disdainfully at her comments. "I'd have gotten the lock." He assured her.

"Since when do you pick locks, anyway?" she asked as they entered the building. Her voice was a tight whisper in the open space. Her Watcher rolled his eyes.

"Remind me to tell you stories of my misspent youth."

"Will I be traumatized if I listen to them?" she asked dryly, pressed to the wall as she looked around.

"Hard to say. Does the idea of my having a wildly scandalous life and a promiscuous love life bother you?"

"Yes!" she looked horrified.

"Then you might just be traumatized."

"Right, band candy."

"Ripper." He agreed. "A part of him always remains and remembers, Buffy."

She shivered, remembering the kiss of Ripper's whip on her skin and his gravelly, lusting voice purring in her ear and commanding her to submit to him. She squirmed where she stood.

"Can we not?" she asked somewhat more urgently than she intended. The older man nodded not quite sensing the reason for the tone in her voice. It was just as well, they were breaking the law after all. She glanced up and flinched when she saw a security camera trained on her body. Then she remembered and blessed Willow in her mind. They kept low to the ground, ducking out of sight when a guard passed through. Luckily with the quiet of the museum, the guard's footfalls echoed and were easily heard. They always had time to hide.

By the time they reached the west wing of the building Buffy was feeling rather confident. They saw the Hope Diamond in its case, a relatively small blue diamond. It was beautiful, sure, but Buffy couldn't understand the fuss. She looked at the brown haired man and nodded. "It's your turn, Giles."

He looked over at the small case. The diamond was housed in a medium case with two other gems, part of some royal collection. The blond didn't care much and didn't bother to read about it. Her mentor closed his eyes but remained silent. He moved his hands in a strange way. Despite her quizzical expression when she looked into the room she saw the solid beams of red light filtering through the air. One crossed very close to where her leg was. She moved back away from the lights.

It was going to be tricky but Giles was giving her an expectant look. "I can't deflect this many. The grid is too tight. I'll do what I can."

Another period of closed eyes and she saw the beams literally shift with nothing seen to distract them. It made her trek slightly easier, but just as treacherous. She lay flat on the floor, sliding under one beam as it passed over her back. When she was on the other side she reached her torso upward and arched her back, slipping her legs underneath her body in a tight bundle. She stood slowly, ducking her head under one beam as she brought her leg slowly over another. She took a step. Giles watched from the sidelines, worried.

She jumped over another beam before dropping to the floor and sliding under another. Here she had to pause. The last group was a complex knot of light, gathered at a central point. She sighed, backing up slightly. Taking two quick steps forward she flipped, sliding neatly between two beams to come out on the other side. Giles let out the breath he didn't know he'd been holding. She saw the diamond nestled on a pillow, a small blue gem strung on a chain with diamonds surrounding it.

She pulled a tool out of her belt and stuck a suction cup to the glass. Then the traced a hole big enough for her hand out of the glass. Once again she blessed Willow for being such a genius. When she pulled the tool away the glass came with it. She set it on top of the casing and reached into the display. Tearing the stone from its setting, she pocketed the gem and made her way back through the beams in the same way she came. Giles held her immediately as she grinned.

"See? That wasn't so hard."

The distinct metallic click behind her made her pause. A security guard stood behind them, gun drawn. She saw him as she turned slowly around, hands up in surrender. Giles looked at her. "Perhaps you spoke too soon, dearest." He said dryly. The security guard kept his gun trained on them both. His eyes drifted from one body to the next and back again. He cleared his throat.

"Don't move." He commanded.

"No, duh." Buffy replied. "But, you know, I'd really hate to have to beat you up so why don't you just step aside and let me go?"

"You guys some father daughter museum robbers?"

"God, no!" Buffy cried out, louder than she intended. "He's not my dad. He's…"

"Her lover." Giles piped in, thinking the lad wouldn't understand if he mentioned Watcher. The guard looked skeptical.

"But he's like twice your age."

"You should see him in action…you may not think so badly of him." Buffy smirked.

Momentarily confused by the whole scenario, Buffy took advantage and spun a kick in his direction with a small cry, knocking the gun from his hand. She grabbed him and butted him in the head. With a weak sound, he slumped to the floor. Buffy felt bad for it but she couldn't stop. They were already running late. Time to blow the joint. She started running. Giles was close behind. They reached the door out of the west wing when they heard another guard discover them by coming into the room.

"Hey, STOP!" he cried. Of course, they couldn't slow, not yet. They bolted down the corridor. With their head start it would be hard to catch them. Giles was only slightly behind her as they ran, he was in good shape, after all.

They didn't even pause at the front door but burst through it and down the steps. Xander was there, pulling away. Buffy picked up the speed, using a burst of energy to try and get his attention. She moved to cut him off, moving to intercept the truck as it pulled forward. Thankfully he saw her and slammed to stopping. "C'mon, Buff!" he yelled through the open window. She managed to pull the door open as the first shot rang out. She paused in her tracks, looking back to find Giles. He was close, fifty yards off. A second shot rang out, then a third. The back of the truck was hit and Xander started.

"Hey!" he protested as Buffy slammed Giles into the truck. She didn't bother sitting or situating them before she slammed the door and Xander wasted no time driving off. His tires squealed as they pulled away, speeding into the nearly empty Sunnydale Main Street. Once they got a mile out Xander pulled into a lesser used street and then into another. They were headed to the cemetery. Giles groaned.

Buffy immediately turned to him, ignoring the lights of the city as they passed by. Her blue eyes were full of concern. "What's wrong?" she asked softly, looking him over. "My leg." He complained, gritting his teeth as her hands moved down. She stopped when he sucked in his breath in one long pull, making a sound of pain in the back of his throat. She pulled her hands up and saw his red blood coating it, making it sticky. She reached down and felt the bulge of broken skin through his pants. A bullet wound.

"They've shot you." She confirmed as Xander looked panicked in her direction.

Giles nodded. "I suspected that." It was a stupid thing to say but as he lay there in pain he didn't much seem to care. "I believe they left a souvenier."

She reached down again and felt. Sure enough, the bullet lay lodged under his skin.

"How'd that happen?"

Giles bit down harder. "I couldn't let the bullet go all the way through or I'd not be able to fight. It was amazing I caught it as soon as I did."

"We have to get it out."

"Not yet. Wait until we're there."

She nodded and kissed his cheek. She wasn't looking forward to digging the bullet out of his skin. It seemed like it was only too soon when they stopped in front of the path toward the cave. "I need light." Buffy assessed. "And I need you to lay down on your stomach."

Xander helped the Watcher to lay down in the bed of the truck before he positioned it under a street lamp. Buffy crouched by his side, looking at all of the blood soaking into his pants with a weary look. "Take a deep breath." She warned and then pushed her finger into the bullet hole to dig the small object from his skin. Giles screamed in pain, unable to hold it back. Buffy's heart broke as she pushed the thing to the surface and didn't breathe again until she heard the bullet fall into the truck bed.

The Watcher was breathing rapidly, his chest heaving as his body buzzed with residual pain. "We need to go. Get this over with." He growled out. Buffy's eyes grew wide.

"You're hurt." He shook his head.

"We have to do this. It's the plan."

Buffy nodded, not really agreeing with him but knowing he was stubborn enough not to listen to her, either. Xander handed them both the heavy duty weapons and gave them that stern look he always gave in these situations. "I'm not losing either one of you." He said quietly, voice grave. "I'm gonna go get Willow and we'll be back waiting."

Buffy nodded and looked at Giles. "You ready?"

Her Watcher nodded and they walked off toward the cave. Xander sped off behind them to go to Giles' apartment as the full moon shone overhead. Both Watcher and Slayer were determined in their mission though it was dangerous and might end with one or both of them dead. There were only a few hours until sunrise and, one way or another, after the sun rose things would be solved.


	12. Sin No More

Just before they got the cave's mouth Giles pulled Buffy to a stop and looked at her. His green eyes stared into her blue orbs as he bit his lower lip. "You don't have to do this, you know. He doesn't want you. He only wants me. You could be safe." He almost continued that sentence 'with the baby.'

Almost.

He didn't know if he believed in the claim yet. It would make sense for the demon to know before anyone else could prove it. He deemed it to be part of his contract and his contracts allowed him to know things most wouldn't. Despite not being able to handle the information himself, Rupert had to admit it wasn't out of the realm of possibility. That made him want to protect his Slayer more than ever, even if his love for her never entered the picture. He stared at her and she stared back, unmoving.

"I won't leave you." She assured him in her strong voice. "I can't lose you, Giles."

He nodded and said no more on the subject. They ducked into the cave's mouth and into the main chamber. Buffy saw the cage and cringed. "Watch out for wiggly green coma things." She reminded him in a strained whisper. He put a finger to his lips and moved his axe somewhat behind himself. Only a moment later a voice boomed through the cave and Giles flinched. Of course the demon would know they've arrived. He knew last time, didn't he?

"Rupert Giles! You return like an honest creature! Very brave of you. Come forward and give me what is my due and we will part as friends!"

They'd talked about it before. Buffy would go after Gorgolek despite his magical abilities and Giles would take on the Furlon demon because of his magical abilities. Neither liked the plan but it was the only one they had. He took her hand and squeezed it before threading his way into the cave, through the protruding spires from top or bottom. He didn't want to activate the gem until the last minute, not to tip their hand until it was necessary. They saw the demon on his throne, smiling. If someone could call it a smile, anyway, it looked more like an attempt to show as many of his jagged teeth as possible. To that effect, he did a wonderful job. The Furlon was forever by his side, oozing and wriggling.

"It is good to see you!" the demon boomed with genuine warmth. "You are a man of honor, Rupert Giles. It is an admirable quality. Most beings I do business with must be dragged before me to fulfill their contracts. You have come twice, willingly! It makes me happy I chose to spare your life."

Rupert leveled his gaze at Gorgolek and cleared his throat. Buffy pulled the gem from her pocket and handed it to her Watcher. The demon reached out his hand expectantly, waiting for what he believed to be his. When the man made no such moves to do so, he could only stare. When he found his voice it was full of confusion. "What is it you hope to do, my child?"

"I've not been your child for a long time." Rupert reminded in a gravelly voice. All at once the cave filled with light as power surged through the man. Light emanated blue from the diamond and Buffy saw the twinges of black surrounding her Watcher. She was awed and scared by the sight of it. The demon stood at once, recognizing that the gem had been activated by a mere mortal and now the man was invulnerable. That meant the demon would have to play a different game since he didn't know how long he could sustain the spell over the gem.

"What is this, Rupert Giles?" he asked almost sadly, as if watching Rupert behave this way caused him great sorrow. "Our contract would have been fulfilled. Stop this now and give me the diamond and I will leave you in peace."

The Watcher nodded. "I believe you, Gorgolek, but I cannot allow a monster like you to go unchecked in this world. Who knows how far your powers could extend when you have no fear of consequence?"

The demon nodded, as if he'd sensed something like this. "This pains me greatly, my child."

In an odd way, Rupert felt much the same. He was grim and determined but destroying the demon would bring him no pleasure. As he felt his energy draining away by the second, he knew time was of the essence and couldn't wait any longer. With a savage cry he engulfed his hands in living flame and struck the Furlon demon. It roared in pain as one of its larva fell to the floor, burned and blackening. It immediately retaliated, knocking the Watcher across the room into a hanging stalactite. He winced and expected the pain to go jolting through his body but that pain never came. He sat up as the Furlon advanced. "Brilliant."

Gorgolek moved to step in toward his watcher but the blond cut him off, ax in hand. He stopped and looked down at her, amused. She was very cute and as he said before, a fine specimen of mortality. Still, she was mortal nonetheless and keeping him from his goal. He tried reasoning with her, his voice grave. Giles struck out at the Furlon demon again, swiping its leg shallowly. "Reason with him." The demon asked simply. "No one has to die. Give me the diamond and I'll forget the insults you have paid me tonight by attacking me."

The girl paused, as if considering. "Nope, sorry, can't do that. He's my Watcher and I'm the Slayer. What he says goes and you look like you could use some slaying."

The demon roared and lifted his own sword, moving to sweep it at her with deadly speed and accuracy. She parried, their weapons coming together in a shower of sparks. Buffy grunted, pushing back with her weapon to throw them apart. He stepped back two steps and looked at her, impressed. "Slayer." He growled in his newfound appreciation. "I'll enjoy killing you." His eyes stared into hers without blinking. She shrugged.

"Yeah, I get that a lot." Was all she replied before moving at attack him again. She swept at his feet and the axe hit to some effect. She immediately brought her weapon up to keep his from descending onto her fragile body. Giles was getting somewhere with the Furlon. The two were engaged in hand to hand combat, magic versus pure strength. The Watcher knew his strength was waning. Using magic to power the gem and attack his opponent without the benefit of Gorgolek's might…he knew it was only a matter of minutes before he faltered. It was more than he'd anticipated. He scored a hit on the Furlon's side and red blood came pouring out of the creature.

Buffy cried out as Gorgolek threw a bolt of electricity into her chest, throwing her back across the room. She hit the wall and fell. For a minute she stayed down, her Watcher too distracted with his own fight to really give it proper notice. She lifted her head in time to see something dark and electrical looking coming at her. She had no time to move.

"Dorshta."

Somewhere off to the right she heard familiar voice and the ball stopped in midflight. Gorgolek strode forward as Buffy jumped to her feet. "Witch!" he bellowed out, feeling the redhead's presence. "Join me as a Daughter of Chaos and you will have all the power you ever wanted, my child!" Willow's eyes widened in fear as she heard the offering ringing through the cavern to her vantage point with Xander close by. She didn't know if she should respond or , Buffy answered for her.

She swung her axe again. "Not my friends!" she demanded, pushing after the demon so quickly he couldn't retaliate. "Challenge me but never come after my friends and my family."

She pushed the demon back toward his throne, a deadly look of determination in her eyes. Giles felt the power wavering around him and felt the drain, forcing him to pause. The Furlong picked him up, seizing the opportunity, and threw him to the wall with a long crack and a dull thud as he crumpled to the floor. Buffy screamed along with Willow and rushed toward where he'd fallen. The Furlon moved to stop her and she barely paused in her steps to bury the Axe into its side where her Watcher had already exposed. It sank into the demon's flesh and stuck out of it like a comical magician's performance. She knelt by her Watcher's side as the brown demon came forward seeing his enforcer die.

She felt him come and turned, ice in her eyes. The older man didn't stir and past all fear inside of the Slayer there was the intense desire to make this demon hurt just as much as she was. This was when she gave herself over to the darkness that called to her, embracing it. It was times like this when she thought of Faith who gave herself over to the sting of the fire much easier than she could. Her counterpart may have been a lot of things, unstable and evil among them, but she knew the job in a way Buffy never would. The brunette was thinking of herself as a monster well before anyone else uttered the phrase. Compared to that, the source of a Slayer's strength meant nothing.

She got up and yanked her ax out of the dead green demon, twisting as she did with a satisfying crunch. Her eyes were narrowed, twin balls of steel and flame. She moved to meet her enemy even as he prepared to meet her, electricity crackling around his body. Willow rushed out and knelt by Giles' side, cradling his head in her lap and chanting softly. She couldn't heal but she could keep him from getting worse until they made it to a hospital. Xander snuck out of the cave with one purpose in mind.

"This is it. Are you ready, little girl?" The brown demon smiled, showing the rows of his teeth. He was encased in the throbbing black veined magic Ripper had shown her. He thought himself invulnerable in his sphere. His opponent looked up at him, axe at the ready and already dripping with blood. She smirked, giving no vocal reply to the question posed. Instead she leapt at him, passing into his sphere, much to his surprise. The darkly radiating aura surrounded her and again she felt the wonderful agony of it whipping through her. Instead of succumbing to it as she had with her Watcher's other half, she pushed through the pain and came to encounter him on his own terms.

For the first time in existence, the demon knew what it was to know fear.

She looked up at him. "You may have killed him." She accused. "You attacked me, kidnapped me, almost killed me. You've gotten farther than most and only short of the Master himself. But you know what I did with the Master?" The demon could only shake his head, dumbfounded. His magic had brought grown chaos demons to their knees and here this mortal girl was inside of it taunting him. Barring his lack of answer she continued.

"I ground his bones into powder with a sledge hammer."

She swung the axe in a wide arc with a loud cry of effort. Before the demon could move his head was detached and bouncing across the cave floor. The rest of his body crumpled before her, twitching as it lay on the ground. She dropped her axe and ran back to her Watcher, exhausted and worried. She pressed both hands to his chest, trying to feel some sign of life inside of him. He was motionless.

"Giles?"

Her tears started falling unbidden. She was consumed with worry. "I won't lose you." She reminded him. She buried her face into his chest and didn't notice when Xander came back in.

"C'mon. I drove the truck up to the cave. We just have to get him out."

She nodded and all three of them helped pick up the man and put him in the truck. Willow kept him stable with her magic as Xander drove. Buffy remained in back with him, unwilling or unable to leave. She whispered to him the whole way there, telling him to be strong and that he'd have to heal to be her Watcher. They pulled into the emergency driveway and helped bring the man inside. Despite the initial protest they took one look at the man and had him on a stretcher. They made Xander move his truck. And Willow went to talk to the doctor while Buffy stayed at his side.

"Giles, please." She begged him. "Don't leave me."

They wheeled him away before she could say more. She held onto his hand until it was pulled from her grasp and she watched them wheel him through thick gray double doors. Doctors were shouting things and Buffy was only vaguely aware of Willow's arms around her. Xander came back in and joined his two best friends worried about the one adult they all seemed to have in common, the one they trusted. Eventually Buffy turned around and hugged them properly, all three teens struggling to be adults while their mentor wavered in an uncertain fate.

"Buffy Summers?"

The blond turned immediately to the mention of her name. A doctor was standing by waiting for her. She almost ran to his side. The first words out of her lips. "How is he?"

"Mr. Giles has suffered severe full body exhaustion. He shows signs of someone who hasn't slept for days. Not to mention the trauma to his organs and the swelling around his spinal cord."

Her lip quivered as the doctor spoke. "What does that mean?"

"Mr. Giles has fallen into a state of self imposed vegetation. His bodies trauma may repair in time but it's anyone's guess whether he'll wake himself up or not. Whatever happened to him to push him to this point, he shouldn't be alive."

She burst into tears all over again. "Can I see him, please?"

The doctor hesitated and then relented. "He's as stable as we can get him. You can see him for a while. It couldn't hurt. I realize you must be upset about your father but we are doing all we can do."

She ignored the comment about him being her father and ran through the double doors, searching for him on instinct. She was connected to him as a Slayer and it wasn't long until she found him. He looked weak and old in his bed, much worse than she'd ever seen him. He was infallible, her strength and protector and now she saw just how fragile he was. Stepping closer she wiped away her tears. She lay on his bed, curling up to his body as if it always belonged there. She wrapped her arms around him, ignoring her own exhaustion.

"Giles, don't do this to me!" She pleaded in a small voice. "First Angel and now you. I can't take it! Please come back to me!"

She leaned up and kissed his cheek, her tears staining her own. "I love you." She whispered. "I love you, Giles. I didn't want to but I do and I can't lose you. Not today, not ever. Please wake up! If you died and it was all my fault I'd never be able to forgive myself. Please…"

The only response was the consistent beep of his monitor and the constant whir of the machinery.


	13. A Darkest Crisis of Faith

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

White walls, quiet whispers, the alcoholic smell of sterilization.

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

Sunrise, squeaking shoes, another push of medication into the IV.

Beep…beep…beep…beep…

Buffy pressed her nose to the window of his room. Visiting hours were over. Or not yet begun. She'd lost track of time in the days she camped out in the hospital. She didn't leave. She took a shower in the nurse's station because the nurses felt sorry for her. Xander brought her clothes before work and food after. Willow came by when she didn't have classes. The blond lost interest in everything else. During visiting hours she curled up in his bed. She whispered to him the whole time, holding his hand and trying to be strong. Though it was against hospital policy the staff knew better than to ask her to move. Occasionally they even allowed her to fall asleep there with him.

The minute she was allowed she crossed the line into his room and went to his bedside. "Hey!" she whispered brightly, taking his hand. She climbed onto his bed and drew her free hand down his cheek. "How was your day?"

Little did the blond know, she was being watched by a doctor and a nurse outside. They stared at her behavior, unmoving. "How long has she been in there?" the doctor asked. The nurse, the same one who watched this routine everyday responded in a sad voice. "Today? She's only been in there a few minutes. Poor baby." She shook her head, her white streaked hair bouncing around her chin. "She's been here for weeks since he came in. I don't think the poor thing's gone home. She's really shaken up."

The doctor eyed the young woman skeptically as she lay next to the older man and talked to him, tears streaking her cheeks. "What's her father's condition?" he asked.

"That's not her father. It's her lover, I think. Her poor heart, breaking for a man twice her age at least. His body just gave out as far as we know. His chart says he's in a self induced coma."

The doctor started, looking closer at the situation. "Her lover? And she's been indulged like this? Why hasn't anyone gotten her out of that bed?"

"You ever tried to separate a young heart from the one it loves?" she clucked her tongue. "Best to not even try. Whatever it is, it's a forever love in there. Young minds wander before too much time passes. This one's stayed right where he is."

The doctor sighed and watched as the blond placed a kiss on the brow of her lover, using her free hand to smooth through his hair and comfort him with light touches. The nurse next to him sighed as well, but for a different reason. She'd watched this routine for weeks and her heart broke for them. Whatever brought them together had to have been strong and whatever was driving them apart was stronger.

"Sure is a shame about that baby."

Again the doctor looked skeptical. He looked from the blond to the old nurse and then back again. "How on Earth do you know she's pregnant? Has she taken a test or gotten blood work done?"

"You can see it in her." She replied. "That girl's been in here for the better part of two months and she's been throwing up like a bulimic and she's been weak like a kitten. Sad thing is she doesn't even realize it; she's so focused on him."

The old nurse shook her head again and turned away, figuring she'd intruded long enough into their lives. "Doctor, stop staring." She reminded softly. He blinked and moved off to the left leaving the young woman and her lover alone in their room.


	14. Where Sin has No Name

2 months, 10 days, 7 hours, and 36 minutes. That's how long she'd been by his side. The hospital staff didn't even seem to demand she leave his bedside anymore unless he had some physical therapy to do so his muscles didn't atrophy. He dropped weight like crazy, looking more gaunt then she could imagine him being. Buffy looked at her Watcher now and saw a ghost of a man and it broke her heart. Yet everyday she curled up by his side and talked to him, whispering words of love and comfort and begging him to come back to her. She needed him by her side. She needed her strength back. In all the years she'd been a Slayer she never realized it before. He was her strength. He was the reason she wanted to help the world. He was the reason for all of it. Because he was there looking out for her. Without him now...things made no sense.

She talked to him until her voice was hoarse and she could no longer keep her eyes open. Willow and Xander came and went, always knowing where to find her. Even they stopped trying to pull her away from him. They just brought her food and clothes and went patrolling for her. Each one of them felt the loss of their mentor and friend and each one of them felt wholly without guidance for the first time in years. Buffy woke and looked at the calender. December. Had so much time passed? It was hard to believe and yet not that hard when she really started to think. "It's almost Christmas, Giles." she whispered. "And I don't want anything. I don't want anything for Christmas but just for you to come back to me. If it's a miracle, if it's just simply because the Powers that Be owe me one, I want you back! I love you. I've always loved you. I can't lose you, Giles. I can't. If you died...I don't know how I'd go on living."

She broke into tears and not for the first time while she inhabited the hospital room. She sobbed against him, lost in a swirling mist of self pity and shame. This was her fault. She'd let him use the gem. She hadn't come up with a better plan and now all she wanted to do was hear words of comfort from the one person who couldn't give them. "Please." she whispered. "Please give him back to me!" It wasn't until she'd finished the pleading words that she realized she was being held. She was startled out of her tears and looked down to find his arms around her. "Giles?"

She rose and the arms fell and he showed no signs of waking. "Giles?" she asked a little more urgently, looking at him. "Please, come back to me." she demanded, holding his hands and searching for any sign of life. "I love you."

She leaned down and kissed his lips for the first time since he'd been in a coma. She'd always been so careful, just in case, but she just needed him with her. She kissed him and kissed him, willing life into his body. She willed her strength into him. Slowly, his lips began to respond to hers. Small responses at first, clumsy and brief. She gave a cry of relief and kissed him again, willing more of her life into him. All the love in her heart was his for the taking as their lips met and the longer they kissed and the harder she gave the more he seemed able to respond. It wasn't until she felt his arms around her again that she stopped and pulled away only to be looking into the depths of his green eyes.

"Buffy."

That one word tore her heart apart again but this time it was just for the simple fact that it couldn't contain all the joy she felt. It didn't matter that it came out broken, harsh and halting for the months his voice hadn't been in use. It didn't matter. It was his voice saying her name after months of feeling lost and alone. She just stared into his eyes, the moment stretching on forever, as an elastic thread in their lives. There was so much to say, so much that could have passed between them but neither broke the silence after that singularly spectacular word. Without words, she finally leaned down to kiss him again. It was a simple embrace, chaste; a kiss that told of her unending gratitude that he'd come back to her.

Then all at once someone noticed her was awake and came bustling into the room to check on him and do all sorts of tests and Buffy was pushed aside. She took his hand briefly and promised to be back soon. He nodded and gave in to the doctor's probing. Day passed into night and eventually he was given food and allowed to rest and still his Slayer hadn't returned. Rupert thought about the long months he'd felt her near, hearing her words but unable to respond to them. He'd felt close to her then, a connection he'd never formed with anyone else and would likely never form again. He missed her now, even when she'd only been gone a few hours time.

And then, just as he was thinking of her she appeared in the doorway. His jaw dropped the moment he saw her. She was in this shining red dress, clinging to her form with green accents over her bust and at the slit up her leg. In her hands she held a wrapped present, towering and shimmering with color. Her hair was swept up and glowed with the hospital lights behind her. His room, for once, was dark. She crossed the room and sat on his bed.

"You look like an angel." he admitted dumbly.

"You are an angel." she replied softly, handing him the package. He opened the lid and found a smaller box inside, brown and plain. He took it out, holding it in the palm of his hand and then lifted the lid. Inside lay a pocket watch, antique looking. He marveled at it dangling from his hand. He went to open it and saw something inscribed on the inside. "To Rupert Giles For Christmas With Love from Buffy." He blinked back the tears as he set the watch on his chest. "There's more." she told him.

He reached into a box again and pulled out a rather complicated looking paper out of it. He looked over the paper and recognized words but didn't quite grasp their intention. "What's this?" he asked softly. She took the paper and looked over it herself before pointing to one line on the page and handing it back to him. "June 9th." He shook his head. "I don't understand, Buffy. What happens June 9th of next year?"

She took his hand and pressed it to her stomach and all at once he remembered. Gorgolek's prediction. "Your?" he stumbled over the word stupidly, as well as the idea. She nodded. "Yeah. I did the math. It can't be Riley's and you're the only one I've been with. The only one I wasn't careful with. I gave you the watch because my mom gave my dad something similar when they found out I was coming."

For once in his life Rupert Giles didn't know what to say. Bring up an Apocalypse and there was plenty to talk about. Bring up a baby and the words ran dry. He didn't want to tell her but he couldn't stop the words as they came out. "Buffy, I can't have children." he admitted softly. "I gave up the ability to my wild youth. I've lived my life knowing I can't create life. The baby...you must be mistaken. It must be Riley's."

Admitting those words aloud broke his heart more than he could say and he expected something from her. But she only shook her head. "No, Giles, it's yours. I had them do the test. That's what this paper is. I didn't want to spend my time wondering while you were so sick so the hospital ran a DNA test. It's yours."

"Mine."

The word had never sounded so inviting before in his life. The idea that the child inside of her was his was a sweet symphony of emotions. He pulled her down and kissed her deeply. "You wonderful, beautiful, amazing, brilliant girl!" He rejoiced in the moment to have her and be with her. He forgot months of inert waiting and the months of recovery ahead. For right now he had everything he'd ever wanted and needed in his arms.

"Merry Christmas Giles." she said, tucked up against him.

"Merry Christmas Buffy."


End file.
